BATCRAP CRAZY

Behind The Scenes With Lil Duck

2012-01-27T07:36:00.001-06:00

I saw these questions and nabbed them from winey mommy. I loved it and was most curious as to how Lil Duck would answer them. Not to mention I love the idea of asking her at minimum once a year and comparing her answers as she grows. I used her words exactly as she spoke them. She is quite an articulate 3 1/2 year old as you'll read. I don't know if her answers will make you laugh as much as they did me because... well...she's my kid...but here goes: I give you behind the scenes with Lil Duck

1. what is something mommy always says to you?

I love you

2. what makes mommy happy?

When I love you

3. what makes mommy sad?

when I'm not here

4. how does mommy make you laugh?

when you burp

5. what was mommy like when i was a little girl?

I liked to love you

6. how old is mommy?

7. how tall is mommy?

Big "this big" (holds hand above head)

8. what is mommy's favorite thing to do?

laugh

9. what does mommy do when you're not here?

you're sad and you talk on the phone

10: if mommy was to be famous, what would it be for?

I don't know but it would be silly

11. what's mommy really good at doing?

taking a bath

12. what's mommy not very good at doing?

I don't know

13. what does mommy do for a job?

at school

14. what is mommy's favorite thing to eat?

chicken noodles, chicken food...rooster food? Do you like rooster food, mom ?

15. what makes you really proud of mommy?

I'm proud to love you

16. what is mommy's favorite tv show?

yoga

17. what do you and mommy do together?

have slumber parties

18. how are you and mommy the same?

we have the same color hair

19. when we leave the house, what is mommy's favorite thing to do?

Hug me

Zing, Bling & Brownie Points

2012-01-25T00:00:00.002-06:00

You've waited patiently for it...and now to satisfy the wildly enthusiastic demand (<--its my dream, go with it), I have a follow up list to Farting Hearts: 10 Unique Valentines Day Gifts for Him. Thank you for your suggestions ladies (which really means thanks for nothing...so if you don't like the list its your fault)...I give you:

10 Unique Valentine's Day Gifts for Her:

1. Mind Blowing Orgasms: this ~~cheapskates~~ men, is FREE. According to the Irishman, a true Vagician, if you make this one mind blowing enough she won't care if you give her a box of crap (quote/endquote) and believe it or not...he may just be right on with that one. (if you need a tutorial on this email Irishman)

2. One Acre of Land On The Moon - TOTALLY romantic! Show her how "over the moon" you are for her! Tell her your love her to the moon and back and present her the deed with her name on it.

3. You Are My Anchor necklace: ladies, gift it to your BFF...or guys, don't just tell her - show her how instrumental she is to your life! Hang the reminder around her heck.

4. 2 Carat Cup - all the charm and fun...NONE of the commitment. She's sure to love this one if she is a java junkie ~~like me.~~ Laughter is always a good option...get the matching mug for you and never fight over who's mug belongs to whom on Sunday mornings.

5.Vibrating Panties w/Remote- I can guarantee this will be a winner (I know, I have a pair)! If you're lucky enough she will give YOU the remote... GAME ON!

6. Jareds - HELLO! HE WENT TO JAREDS...enough said.

7. Chocolate of the Month Club - 2 to 12 months fixed term or open-ended pay as you go...enormous range of tastes created by international chocolateiers...guaranteed to make a mouth happy! This goes WAY beyond that stupid heart box of chocolates.

8.Cock Blocker Bottle Stopper -This little red rooster is one cock blocker you’ll be happy to have as a wing man. This 3” funny bottle stopper will perch on top your bottle to keep the air away from your wine, liquor or any non fizzy beverage; to ensure you don’t end up comatose on the bathroom floor. Allowing you instead the ability to charm and woo that one you’ve got your eye on with no interruptions; well within reason of course. We can’t promise anything when it comes to your friends setting you up, but if all else fails the Cock Blocker Bottle Stopper does provide a good talking point and can help break the ice if things get awkward. Made of acrylic and is dishwasher safe now that's something to crow about.

9. Personalized Wine Labels - romance her with your creativity and sentimental side by creating a custom wine label for her favorite bottle of indulgence. Add a photo of the two of you together, a favorite quote or use it ask her to marry you (What???!! I'm a hopeless romantic!)

10. Vodoo Dolls (hand made in New Orleans) - I can promise you this will go over VERY well! A basic guide line to remember: Red = passion or love, White = peace purity and protection, Green = Money (HOLLA!), Blue = love or commanding, Yellow = luck and power, Purple = spirituality and power,
Orange = power, Black = hexing, cursing and getting rid of bad habits (#winning)

And THAT completes your 2012 Unique Valentine's Day Gift Guide. Unless of course there are some sponors out there who would like to get in on this list. Feel free to contact me at the email addy in the side bar... I'll pimp you :-) There's still time!

I'm here to serve...Its all in the name of love...

~Ducky

Save A Stamp, Blog A Letter Part 2

2012-01-24T00:00:00.001-06:00

Dear Guy In Car With Lady Screaming:

Just push her out. Smooth, quick....relief! No one would blame you. She has a scary ugly angry face.

Best Regards
She With Great Advice

Note To Self:
Probably a tad bit bordering on lunacy driving down the street, alone, belching and giggling. Although the first one was at least a 9....trying to match or beat that was hysterical. ::knuckles::

Word
Lady Burpsalot

Dear Creditors:
I unplugged the phone. Call all you like. Your every 2 hours does nothing other than fill up a caller ID screen. I will pay you when I can pay you. Its not a lump sum the way you want but at least you're getting money.

BITE ME

Dear Ice On Driveway:

Current Score

ICE = 0

Duck = 1

BOOYAH!

**all images from google images

A Hex On Your House

2012-01-23T06:22:00.000-06:00

...or just mine.

Some days I don't deftly escape faceplanting in stupid. Thankfully it tends to just permeate my Mondays. I can't imagine how greater the occurance of disaster would've been had I been required to work last Monday. No doubt it would've been a Monday where I caffeinated my vag again!

As it was, I dumped an entire load of clean clothes into the washer realizing only with the final garment that it had already been laundered. That was just the beginning.... In returning home from lunch I hit my mailbox. MY OWN MAILBOX! Its only been in the same damn place for 10 YEARS! I wish I could say that was the extent of my follies.

A bit later when hanging some vinyl wall art on the bedroom wall above my bed, I stepped back to admire the work. Forgot about the ceiling fan being there....AND running....until the fast spinning blades rhythmically thwacked the side of my head until I had enough sense to move! The fan has only been there for 10 YEARS!

The remainder of my day included falling UP stairs, putting my pants on backwards, popping the wrapper in my mouth and the gum in the trash (it was the last piece!) and holding my breath when given the task of carrying the hammer and power drill UP the stairs. That was a death defying task! (and we won't even talk about the little incident where I damn near rear ended Irishman and Black Betty <--his F150. It surely would've totally rearranged Harriet's face <--my Honda. Not to mention I would NEVER live that one down! E V E R).

Flowers Are Always Appropriate

2012-01-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

I promised last week I would compile a list of Valentine’s Gifts for the special lady in your life. I’m still working on that list but in the meantime you can check out this international online florist! Flowers are almost always a sure smile generator. You aren’t limited to Valentine’s Flowers or just holidays (hint hint). Irishman has done a brilliant job of surprising me with arrangements at just the right time and only once was it a holiday (keep up the good work love!).

“Just Because” flowers are awesome! Even better when with a few clicks of your mouse you can select a beautiful bouquet, pay and schedule delivery all from your desk or even while sitting in your car (like while sitting at the car wash or something because purchasing and driving is…you know…dangerous). Having flowers delivered to your best friend because she landed that new job, or as a follow up to that fabulous first date (HUGE BONUS POINTS FELLAS) or even to your sister just because her boss is an asshat (love you Sista!) has never been easier.

Interflora makes it simple and quick to find the perfect match for your needs. Choose from categories they’ve already created for you. Special arrangements can be found under categories such as, Just Because, Thank You, Birthdays, Valentine’s Flowers, I’m Sorry, Flowers and Chocolate, Love & Romance (they make it SO easy) and Sympathy. Those are just some of their categories.

Need same day shipping (because you accidently text the wrong girl or forgot an anniversary)? No problem! Select something beautiful from the “Same Day” category option. You even have the freedom to design your own bouquet for something extra special and unique. They really seem like the one-stop-shop for your floral needs.

Call to place your order or do so through their secure site.

**This is a feature post on behalf of Interflora. All opinions herein are 100% mine.

Xperience Days $100 Giveaway

2012-01-19T00:00:00.003-06:00

THE premier Unique Gifts webite, Unique gifts for men, gifts for women or treat you both and make it a Unique Couples Gift! This is truly the ultimate in adventure gifting; perfect for the thrill seeker, the foodie or wine lover and those who like tours, cruises and lessons. XperienceDays.com is your go-to site.

Want to take a stockcar ride? Or drive one yourself? Want to be THE wife/girlfriend of the Millennium? Score your significant other an Air Combat Dogfight! Fly tandem with an instructor in a Marchetti S260 air to air combat aircraft and wet yourself ingaging in six "g-pulling" dogfights.

A little out of your range? Try hanggliding or skydiving, or just take a scenic flight via hotair balloon (great way to propose on Valentine's day...justsayin). Maybe you'd rather keep it on the ground. Plenty of lunch, brunch and dinner cruises to choose from. Take a cooking class, food tour or please your palate with a wine tour.

Don't think you're limited to water and air or eating! Learn to blow glass, go fishing, surfing, whale watching or take a segway tour. The ultimate in unique gifts from XperienceDays.com!

Plus they provide everything you need to know to fully enjoy your gift. They'll advise you what to wear, weather restrictions on your event, how long you can expect to be there and even help you with activity suggestions based on the occasion: 30th Birthday, Anniversary, Father's Day or Just Because.

Cruise around the website and shop by city, activity or occasion. All purchases come with free exchanges and no expiration date. ONE LUCKY WINNER will receive a $100 gift code towards the purchase of a gift pack. Just enter using the Rafflecopter form below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

BAM! Heat In The Kitchen

2012-01-17T06:10:00.000-06:00

"…mom we did some cool experiments in Science today.

'Glad you had a good day Ducky.'

'I have a paper describing how to do it at home. It was really easy to do at school; do you think I could try it again tonight? (which was a total lie. We DID NOT try the experiment at school. It was dangerous.)

'Sure. After dinner.'"

So fast forward through dinner and cleaning up because I’m sure somehow my sisters made sure I was on dish duty that night. Every one was busy elsewhere in the house. Mom set me up with a small sauce pan and the corn starch the experiment required. I was in 6th grade afterall; totally competent to handle myself at the stove.

A little cornstarch in the bottom of the pan…..low heat….it removes the moisture in the starch. I expertly wiggled the pan now and again to prevent burning. That would come later; the burning.

Sufficient time for the moisture to cook away and then I moved to stage two. At the island was three lovely pieces of construction paper laid out awaiting their line. With the deft skill of a ~~lifetime snorter~~ 6th grade perfectionist I lined out the cornstarch on center of each piece which was then rolled into straw like tubes.

Step three required a lighter and some blowing power. Step 3 on the worksheet says to be sure that nothing flammable is in your work area and to be sure there is adult supervision. WHATEVER.

So I am standing where the X is (see picture below). I pick up my first rolled tube of moisture free corn starch and instead of blowing I end up sucking. It could happen to anyone so shutyerpiehole. After chugging some Gatorade (the old school kind…you know, the orange powder mix) I pick up my awesome tubular mega straw number 2.

Flick the Bic....

Flame roaring at the end of my fully extended right arm, I take a deep breath before putting my lips to the tube and blow…

BAM!

Shooting flames come roaring out as the cornstarch meets flame and it is the COOLEST FREAKIN’ THING I’VE EVER SEEN JUST LIKE SPECIAL EFFECT EXPLOSIONS IN THE MOVIES! I’m screaming out of excitement and the smoke alarm is screaming out of fear. My mother rushes in to find her refrigerator torched black.

Remember that little diagram above?

I was standing opposite of the fridge.

It was white.

Now its black.

Mother sorta freaked out - the wuss. Once all the screeching stopped (including the fire alarm and my sisters) I realized there was still one tube left.

My mother realized she should’ve looked at the experiment paper first.

I totally snuck outside to torch something else while she fretted over how to clean the fridge (turns out it was just soot....no damage done).

Call For A Cape

2012-01-16T00:00:00.000-06:00

I've got a decent ensemble working for me....I've got the Wonder Woman underoos....super sweet Wonder Woman T-Shirt and I got the kick ass Wonder Woman bracelet for Christmas (thanks Momma B!).

I'm lacking a cape. Surely there is SOMEONE out there who can help me with the cape??? Most days I can tackle without the cape but there are some days... you know... THOSE days that just need a little extra oopmh. I've no doubt the cape would make all the difference.

For instance, take the day I walked out of Target and tried to get into the wrong Honda. I'm pretty sure had I the CAPE I would've been able to locate the correct Honda and avoid total public embarrassment *snort*. Or when I attempted to tackle taking down the Christmas decorations. It would've been TONS more fun riding the Christmas tree box down the stairs if I was wearing the CAPE. Right?!

Pretty sure the CAPE would've given me what I needed to figure out how to open the cool new travel coffee mug I got for Christmas. Instead of taking me 15 minutes to figure out the lid screwed on, it probably would've only taken...eh...11.5 minutes.

Or when I was piggybacking every kid and their cousin over the steep climbing wall at the Bouncy House so we could all scream down the wicked slide on the other side. The CAPE would TOTALLY have made that scene and maybe I wouldn't have jacked my foot up. Wonder Woman doesn't injure. Period.

Walgreens & Express Scripts -Get Involved

2012-01-15T18:02:00.001-06:00

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Walgreens. All opinions are 100% mine.

Having options, shopping around for the best price and convenience all factors into my choice of pharmacies. As an insulin dependent diabetic, a large portion of my budget and time goes to pharmacies. Express Scripts is a middle man in the health care system. It recently pulled out of its contract with Walgreens forcing customers to find new pharmacies. Of course its all about money and controll; Express Scripts wants more while Walgreens is reportedly trying to maintain the balance between paying its employees and extending the benefits of the program to customers reducing the bottom dollar we have to pay to maintain our health.

You can read the press release on it here .Walgreens and Express Scripts

Are you a user of the Walgreens Pharmacy and now to maintain "in network" requirements for your insurance, you have to go elsewhere? You can show your support of Walgreens by liking them on Facebook Walgreens on Facebook and following them on Twitter Walgreens on Twitter. Let your voice be heard!

They are offering a special discount on annual memberships for the Prescription Savings Club. Prescription Savings Club at Walgreens For $10 a year, a family membership covers everyone in your immediate family, including a spouse, dependents 22 and younger AND your pets! Individuals may join for $5. Join and receive discounted prices on more than 8,000 brand name and all generic medications, discounts on flu shots and diabetic supplies.

Be informed, let your opinion be heard and get involved with all aspects of YOUR health care!

Mirror Mirror...

2012-01-13T09:40:00.000-06:00

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

I am not old, dammit!

Jillian Michaels shredded me and bitch-slapped be into reality on Day 1/Level 1. I took a short break from Zumba during hunting season so I could help out Irishman with Thing 1 and Thing 2 and provide a hot meal when he came down out of his tree. (*grin* ...just had visions of Tarzan...)

After finishing Day 1 of The Shred, I spent day 2 trying to figure out how to walk. That night we went to a Bouncy House Fundraiser for Lil Duck's pre-school.

Its one of those places that magically transforms you to 12 again (or maybe that's just me); one of the few places the adults can play too. I played tag in the monster bouncy and willingly became a human crane piggybacking one by one Lil Duck's classmates up and over the steep wall (think Rock Climbing meets bouncy inflatables) so we they could scream while plunging down the most awesome slide ever.

I am NOT 12. I totally jacked my foot while playing tag and jumping off things I had no business jumping off, simply because it was fun. Aaand I liked listening to the little kids scream as they ran from me.

Lil Duck and her best friend

We literally fell into bed with exhaustion that night. Once again I could barely walk the next day. Jillian Michaels HAD to just sit on the counter and wait. I spent that night soaking my old lady bones...

...and remembering again that I am not 12 but a little more thankful though since I would've been illegally drinking. That soak and the TLC seemed to do wonders for me. I once again ~~screamed at~~ had Jillian Michaels attempting to Shred me yesterday and am happy to report it was much easier than Day 1 and I'm still on target for making her my beeeotch!

TGIF Quackers! Happy Shredding!

Show n Tell

2012-01-12T06:00:00.002-06:00

I'll show you mine...if you show me yours!

I ran across Just Jennifer and her desire to picture people ~~naked~~ (<--just kidding I don't know that for sure. I just added it. Don't tell her) while they are blogging. When interacting she likes to have a frame of reference. I get that...that's cool... SO you can share and link up what your blogging spot(s) look like. Although if she'd rather picture MOI instead of Hank, my laptop, that would be cool too. I can make funny faces in your imagination too!

I'm a "fit it in when you can" kind of blogger which goes a long to way to explaining why sometimes you get a response from me and sometimes you get ::crickets:: I'm not ignoring you, I promise! As a result of being a single mom, working full time, playing full time with Irishman and Thing 1 and Thing 2 in addition to working out and dance class and school fundraisers for Lil Duck... I have MANY blogging stations.

I work from the kitchen table....

I work from Irishman's bed with my own personal purring ~~vibrating~~ lap warmer...

And I sneak it in on my lunch break at work (IF I get a lunch break). I always pick the seat by the window, in the sunshine and in the furthest corner of the library.

Due to my random moments of blogging I'm a scheduler. I type out as much as I can when I have the time. In the moments in between THIS

...goes everywhere with me. I take notes, write posts, barf thoughts, draw pictures and do simple math in it. I have a whole lovely little stack of notebooks filled with blogging stuffs. I'm old school. I still like to write with pen and paper (even though I also use my iPhone to take notes) and journal. Pretty paper and kick ass notebooks make me happy.

Farting Hearts

2012-01-11T00:00:00.003-06:00

It's a little over a month away, Valentine's Day, but I like to plan. If I'm giving a gift I want it to mean something even if its my 4 year old niece receiving it. I love gift giving! I'm sappy, sentimental, mushy, cheesy and a hopeless romantic. TOTAL SHOCKER, I know. I don't share that side of me with just anyone though.

I'm already working on Irishman's Valentine's gift. In my endeavor to maintain my ~~self proclaimed~~ "Unique Gift-Giver" status, I made a list. You know... to help you out should you need it. This one is for the ladies. 10 Unique Valentine's Day Gifts for your man! I'll help my fellow penis-toting bloggers in another post.
I give you...The List...

10 Unique Valentine's Day Gifts For Your Man

1. Mohawk Drinking Hat
Hands free beer...NO BRAINER! Lob him a can naked? Exponentially increase your shoe collection! #WINNING

2. Yodeling Pickle - How many of his friends are going to have this? Yeah...that's what I thought. Total Bragging rights.

3. Star Wars Stamps - Appeal to his inner (or outer) geek. Even though you roll your eyes at his Yoda impressions and the fact that he uses your vibrator collection for a light saber war, it probably still means you'll win big ~~like extra foreplay~~ with this gift.

4. Bear Grylls Ultimate Survival Kit - as much as you might want your man to be...there is but ONE Bear Grylls. So give your man this ultimate survival kit. It may not scream ROMANCE to you, but he will appreciate knowing you trust him to take care of things should you parachute by accident into a Brazillian rain forest with nothing more than a bra and shoelace.

5. Beer Ammo Bandolier - This beer ammo bandolier is the perfect way to carry a 12 pack of beer when tailgating or at parties. If G.I. Joe were an alcoholic, he'd use this beer ammo bandolier. This also makes a great party gift!

6. Amanda Wig- Go blonde. A little role play never hurt anyone ~~(except for that time I got arrested)~~ and this offers the option for artificial airheadedness. So why not? Toss in a push up bra and you'll be his fantasy!

7. Magazine Subscripton - Sports Illustrated, Fortune or...comics. Keep him up to date on the latest sports teams, hot stock picks (cha-ching) or...uh...jokes. At least he'll have something other than the Toys R Us ad to read in the "library".

8. Pillow Remote - no more digging between cushions, wondering which kid ran off with it... give your King of the Hill a KING size remote!

9. Toilet Seat Pedal -Just like a regular trash can pedal, you step on the pedal to lift up the toilet seat, and remove your foot when you are done and the toilet seat slowly drops back down. Make his life easier. No bending, lifting or listening to you nag while YOUR butt is soaking in cold toilet water because someone forgot to put the seat down.

10. Synthesizer T-Shirt - The MASTER at Rockband? Gift him this t-shirt with built in synthesizer. Plays up to 8 notes at a time and choose from 5 sound samples. He can demo his mad skillz anywhere! ~~luckyou~~

So there's your list ladies! Men...I shall post some gifting ideas for you as well. I promise to do so before Feb. 13 so you have at least 48 hours to shop. (Ladies, feel free to email me with anything you'd like to see on the list... batcrapcrazyblog (at) gmail (dot) com)

Tag! I'm It

2012-01-10T00:00:00.001-06:00

Rochelle at A Family Of Looney tagged me...I've never been good at those tag games. I always zag when I should zig and bob when I should weave. I never make it to the safety of base before getting thumped. This is no different. I'm playing along and thrilled SOMEONE wants to know a little more about me. Here are her questions to Moi and my brilliant answers.

1. What is a house chore that you hate doing?
I detest dusting. I will vacuum sun up to sun down. I LOVE my Dyson and I LOVE a freshly vacuumed room. I HATE dusting. You can write your name in it...unless the windows are open. Then you can dance in it. Sure is pretty floating in the sunlight....

2. What is your middle name?

Jo..... Now you possess super secret never discussed information. Ducky Jo...heh....

3. Have you had any horrible dates?
In short, OMG YES! I went through a period where all I went on were blind dates (insert joke here). Many a date I scooted off to the bathroom, called my sister to arrange for a phone call with a "family emergency" a short time later. One was so bad I just walked out the back door of the restaurant without saying a word. But OH the memories....

4. If you could have a dream vacation, where would it be?
A family trip....touring the castles in Ireland

5. What is a movie that you are looking forward to seeing in 2012?
Debbie Does Dallas? Uh... I really rarely watch movies. I couldn't even tell you what is out right now.

6. If you could have a girl weekend with your best friend. What would you do?
We would totally hit the spa...the whole nine yards!! Champagne and cabana boys included :) #WonderTripletPowers

7. What is something that you love to eat and wish you could have it all the time? Everything! Is that cheating? I love food period. Being an insulin dependent Diabetic makes portion control and moderation a must. I love pie (cherry), cheesecake, breads, pasta, steak, hot wings, calamari, oatmeal raisin cookies, pot roast, Irishman's mashed potatoes (TO DIE FOR)... see! Food in general.

8. Do you like to dress up or are you more comfortable in jeans?
I like both. The majority of the time I'm in jeans or something comparable, but I do love getting girlified and strutting a kickass pair of humpmepumps. I like seeing that look in Irishman's eyes....

9. If you are on Pinterest. Is there something that you have made from it?
Pinterest? I have yet to join that addiction.

10. What is one of your favorite family memories?
I have a lot of favorites of my sisters and I from growing up. The first one that came to mind was the time I was helping BigSis wash the windows in her new house. She was to be getting wooden blinds throughout the house. She was outside washing and I was inside. When she rounded the corner to another room I was standing with my butt pressed against the window. She fell into the bushes laughing so hard.

11. What kind of music do you listen too?
Right now? Dora.... but I like a little bit of everything. Blues, jazz, metal, new age, hip hop, country, classical, show tunes...everything.

Lets Get Physical!

2012-01-09T00:00:00.001-06:00

Let's Get Physical

Was being a MILF on your New Year's Resolution list?

Eh? No?

Okay...how about exercising? Getting healthy? Being a better you?

Its the first month of the new year and EVERYONE and their brother is posting tips to help you in your endeavors offering goals and support groups seeking your membership. Don't get me wrong, having a support group and people to help keep you motivated is awesome! It really does makes a difference. I have a whole bunch of tips I could post but I'd most likely be echoing everything else you've read. By now, you know you need to increase your water intake and decrease your calories. OR you could get divorced and have your sister die all in the same year. I wouldn't recommend that though. Heh, really a few less cookies should do the trick!

The Point Duck! MUSIC! In addition to friends, MUSIC can be a huge motivator and the difference between FUN=Lots of burned calories and BORING=getting off the treadmill early to eat a cookie (<---ahem, not that I've done that). You know its time to mix up your playlist and get yo booty shakin and by Valentine's Day, your card should read "You Aint Ready For This Jelly".

According to RunHundred.com the following is a list of the Top 10 Workout Songs for January. Check out this free website! You can subscribe to their newsletter for new playlist ideas, search the site by source, tempo, genre and decade to find the perfect music fit for YOUR workout!

Tim Berg - Seek Bromance (Avicii Vocal Edit) - 127 BPM

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away - 135 BPM

Alexandra Stan - Mr. Saxobeat (Maan Studio Remix) - 126 BPM

Flo Rida - Good Feeling - 129 BPM

Wolfgang Gartner & Will.I.Am - Forever - 128 BPM

Hot Chelle Rae - Tonight Tonight (Goldstein Remix) - 118 BPM

Taio Cruz & Flo Rida - Hangover - 129 BPM

Enrique Iglesias, Pitbull & The WAV.s - I Like How It Feels - 129 BPM

Kaskade & Skrillex - Lick It - 128 BPM

Kelly Clarkson - What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) - 117 BPM

And while you are syncing your new skinny groves, I'm adding Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred to my routine. My heart beats ZUMBA, but even the Duck needs to switch things up! I'm joining the craze and making Jillian Michaels my beeeoch!!

What's my name?

WHAT'S. MY. NAME?

Purple Bee Designs - You'll Love it!

2012-01-06T00:00:00.003-06:00

I stumbled upon this unique website that offers a variety of items perfect for gifting...to others or yourself! I contacted them about reviewing a product and was thrilled when they positively responded as I really loved the aprons they offer!

I'm always on the hunt for one of a kind special gifts and products and I definitely found that here. In addition to Chef aprons, Flirty aprons and Garden aprons they have this great Rice Bag Recycled apron! It retails for a VERY affordable $12 for the full version or the half style you can nab at $9. Made from 100% recycled materials no two aprons are the same.

The full version you see here (<--on me), has an adjustable neck strap and ties in the back. The adjustable neck strap and nice long back ties ensures that its going to fit a variety of shapes and sizes! There is also a very convenient large pocket on the front. I love that no one else is going to have one like it and its a great conversation piece while working in the kitchen (or good for wearing while cleaning as well).

Aprons not your thing? No worries! At Purple Bee Designs you'll find everything from Hostess gift sets, Childrens clothing, Jewelry and accessories to Market Totes. Its a great one-stop shop for designer, unique gift buying. AND they are generously offering BCC readers a HUGE discount***!

I've got my eye on their new line of Market totes.... this one is my fav!

Sign up for their newsletter and know exactly when their Mega Sales are happening and newest arrivals show up. You can find them on Twitter and Facebook. Check them out and see what you can't live without!

**** BE SURE TO ENTER THE FOLLOWING COUPON CODE WHEN CHECKING OUT. BATCRAP CRAZY READERS WILL RECEIVE A 50% DISCOUNT** OFF PURCHASES FOR A LIMITED TIME!!! USE THIS CODE: batcrapcrazy

Now Go SHOP!

**Disclaimer** Coupon code good on all merchandise except Children's clothing

***I was provided product for the purpose of facilitating the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**

Not I...

2012-01-04T00:00:00.001-06:00

Ever sit and scream and curse and damn near blow a gasket because the key is stuck in the ignition – mysteriously? Finally…sweating, spitting and thoroughly spent from your fit you realize the vehicle is not fully engaged in park?

heh…Not I

Ever electrocute yourself while trying to hang up Christmas lights because you plugged them in first?

heh…Not I

Ever been so tired when you walked out the front door into the dark of 5am the potted plant startles the hell out of you and you break your toe busting out your kickboxing moves on it?

heh…Not I

Ever done the sniff test to decide which bra to wear?

heh, Not I....nasty! do yo laundry!

Ever tried to discreetly fix the fact that your ass is chompin on your undies (which is why I HATE wearing them) and it just happened to be with the same hand that was holding the keyless entry remote to your car and somehow just as you went for the pinch and pull you also hit the panic button and scared the shit out of yourself by setting the horn off. Maybe even got a touch of whiplash when trying to figure out who the hell saw you before your dumbass realized it was your own car?

Yeah…sigh…that didn’t happen to me.

Resolutions are SO 2011 - Pledge to Poop!

2012-01-03T09:10:00.000-06:00

One of the few days I managed to MANAGE my time efficiently (probably because I’m still off work) I came across a post at Leigh Vs Laundry. She’s making a pledge this year. I like this WAY better than resolutions. I don’t do resolutions.

Meh, I take that back. I DO resolutions but then I promptly wad the paper up in a ball and practice my half ~~kitchen~~ court shot. For some reason it makes me much happier to make the list then destroy the list. There is a sense of freedom in such action, much the same as going sans underwear even when its 18 degrees outside holyfreezingcoldwhoha! #movementforapantfreesociety Aaaand I may or may not be the type of person that puts things on the list that I have previously accomplished just so I can start off with having items crossed off. Motivation…self esteem booster, no?!

I REALLY like the idea of a PLEDGE...it feels like there is more wiggle room for forgiveness if I didn't quite make it yesterday and no sense of doom that I can't soar above it tomorrow.

There is no failure only growth and learning and forward movement.

The interesting thing about allowing yourself to TAKE some time to evaluate and look back is that often times we find a renewed sense of excitement for things that once may have weighed us down, added stress or somehow lost the “fun” factor. Joy hides in places from which we thought it had long ago departed.

Perspective is awesome.

We find we missed _______________________ (the people, the action itself, the time alone, the time togetherness, the taste of it- in moderation, the high afterwards, the satisfaction of accomplishment, the laughter, the frantic hastiness that propelled us to productivity, the outfit, the pride… YOU fill in the blank). You know what I’m talking about.

You’ve heard it a million times but the reality of it does not change; there may not be a tomorrow – not for everyone. PLEDGE to take time to gain a little perspective and spend your time on things that move you in the direction you want to go and jump from there. Resolutions are SO 2011!

I PLEDGE:

To laugh more at myself (plethora of opportunities to practice)

Have more tickle fights with my family

SHOW my love just as often as I verbalize it

Eat a cookie once a week

(I’m starting that one right now! Alreading #WINNING)

Get my budget back on track and remove “Hooker” from my resume <--joking!

To poop more regularly

Top 11 - A Quick Review

2012-01-02T00:00:00.003-06:00

Top 11 From

credits

(in no particular order)
1. I electrocuted myself hanging Christmas lights. #WINNING

2. I learned nipple hair was a part of aging.

3. Had my Epic Mom Fail (<--you have to click the link for that one. I will word bank it for you: lube, vibrator, dog toy)

4. One tiny mishap in the bedroom and Irishman now sleeps with a helmet and me with protective eyewear.

5. Caffeine is attracted to my crochital region (<--I invented that word this year too). I have a perky vagina.

6. I was a very Lucky Duck to be surrounded with so much love on the one year anniversary of my sister's death.

7. People Google search PROZAC and end up on my blog.

8. I write horoscopes waaaay better than anyone else. I've missed my calling. You can read my ReDo Scopes HERE.

9. I sat in the same spot as Al Capone!

10. I submitted an unanswered letter to work for changes in the breakroom. Can't imagine why they ignored me....

11. I redefined myself by actually listing signs of a DUCKTARD and then how to Survive One.

Happy New Year -BluntCard Style

2012-01-01T00:00:00.001-06:00

...compliments of BluntCard.... (I just love their stuff!)

We've Been At The Lodge

2011-12-30T22:17:00.000-06:00

Please excuse my absence...we've been at the Lodge

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Well...Okay..it didn't quite look like that...it was a little more like this...

And this...

A super thrilled, waterlogged, arcade gamed, pizza filled wolf pack is now zonked in their own beds, smiles plastered to their faces after multiple rounds of THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU's without even being prompted. We did good with the Family Gift for Christmas this year. A HOWLing good time staying at the Great Wolf Lodge - Indoor Water Park resort .#WINNING

Death By Pillow Pet -Doggoneit!

2011-12-28T12:51:00.001-06:00

She's a pillow....

She's a pet

She's a pillow pet!

Who just happened to get an awesome new pillow for her kennel for Christmas.
She loved it, kneaded it, fluffed it, snored on it....

for a few days...

...then one lonely hour of solitude...

And Zena has totally redecorated with her bed. She seems very happy amid the fluff and foam. And yes...the dog has the name of a super hero (Xena warrior princess IS a super hero in her own right). We have a thing for Super Heroes here at BCC.

I'm thinking this one goes down for the shortest lasting Christmas gift...other than Fruit Cake. Everyone always eats the Fruit Cake, right?

A Witch, A Radish and Poop

2011-12-22T00:00:00.000-06:00

You Know You're a Mother When...

...after the 4,283 time your 3 year old asks with a giggle, "But WHY" you finally give into the temptation and answer, "Because I said so! How do you like THAT answer?!" while you cackle like a mad woman and pretend to kick-start your broom and fly around the grocery cart as produce slips from the grasp of onlookers and thuds to the floor.

...you serve chocolate mint chip cookies even though dinner is ready and hot, simply because your child suggests it and it sounds good.

...you argue that a radish really is not an exceptionally small apple, you pinkie promise! It was...a veggie discovered a very long time ago by an old man named Jim who gave it its "funny name". You confirm that yes the man was old like Papa and back then they used words like RAD when things were cool and this guy thought this veggie that popped up in his garden was cool thus came about the "RAD"ish.

...poop is hysterical even when it isn't

...when you find a really really great outfit, on sale even, but take it back before wearing it because you come across something you know your child will love even though they don't need it.

...you're just so worn out from making sure everyone is where they need to be when they need to be there, all the bills are paid (or you're robbing Peter to pay Paul who is pimping Mary to protect John to make sure that at least the lights and water stay on), bodies are clothed in clean clothes, lunches made, folders are in backpacks, time clocks are punched on time, deadlines are met that you hardly notice you've worn the same clothes Friday, Saturday and Sunday and the most water to touch your body is whatever you've managed to drink.

...the mixture of snot, tears and orange powder from cheese puffs makes your heart swell with thankfulness

...a short person looking quite a lot like you and mirroring many of your mannerisms says to you "Oh Mom! Your boob fell out of your pocket again." when you walk into her room directly after getting out of the shower to check on her.

You Know You're A Mother When...

Written based on the weekly Mama Kat's writing prompt: You know you're a mother when

Ten Percenter

2011-12-21T00:00:00.001-06:00

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I come from a family of 10%'ers. You know, that small smidgen of the ~~cherry~~ pie chart, the 10%, of the population where strange, unfortunate, unlucky, whatinthehell things happen to a person? Yep...that be me..us..we..whichever pronoun you're feeling today. Its genetic on my mom's side. Trust me.

Ninety percent of the apple has been consumed and in the little sliver of flesh and fruit remaining is the 10% of the produce sticker.

That's my luck.

No paper deficiencies here.

I needed to clean the kitchen in a hurry. My bright idea was the "Dash N Stash"; great in theory horrid in application if you're a 10%'er. In a mad DASH , I STASHED a bunch of things in the oven. Over the course of the workday I managed to forget about the Dash N Stash.

Plastic will melt at 400 degrees and bills catch fire.

You're welcome.

Sometimes I think I should just invent a bubble wrap line that is fashionable. I can save the clear stuff for Irishman so I have a 'sexy' version (because even the bedroom isn't safe from me). Surely I can come up with something opaque enough to cover me for daily activities. If not, at the very least I may need to invest in a good bike helmet. In the same day I bent down to retrieve socks from a lower drawer in the chest of drawers and knocked myself nearly unconscious when I slammed my forehead on the lip of the dresser top on the way over, I also managed to clunk myself square in the cranium on the edge of the mantel while cleaning around the fire place ensuring further brain damage.

As if those things aren't bad enough, I can not even begin to call them isolated incidents. Just last week I stopped for a Extra Large Diet Coke while traveling between buildings for work.

Didn't get to drink it. Not. One. Sip. The lid came off... couldn't say it even say it looked as though I had a wee little accident. It was more like my water broke and splashed all the way up to my boobs.
Perky vagina - Take 2. Seems I have a thing for dumping caffeine in my whoohaa. (yes, those red letters are a link. Check it out...kinda funny)

I Wanna Live THERE -Sweetest Place Evah

2011-12-20T00:00:00.001-06:00

The Recipe for Gingerbread Houses in Santa's Village:

170 lbs of Sugar

165 lbs of Flour

1,620 eggs

8 gal of egg whites

20 lbs of Ginger

20 gallons of Molasses

20 lbs of Baking Soda

14 lbs of Salt

180 POUNDS OF ASSORTED CANDIES

Lil Duck and I headed downtown this past Saturday to immerse ourselves in as much Christmas magic as we could find. Taking in Christmas train display and Santa's Gingerbread village were among our stops.

Lil Duck especially loved the fancy Reindeer displayed in the scene!

The Mayor's Christmas Tree and larger than life Nutcrackers were amazing

to gaze upon and did much to create the magical Christmas atmosphere we were after.

For more awesome photographic moments of Happiness check out Leigh vs Laundry

New LG DoublePlay! GET IT

2011-12-18T17:00:00.001-06:00

This post brought to you by LG DoublePlay™. All opinions are 100% mine.

There is still time for last minute gifts and whether you're buying for a teen in your house, yourself or your spouse the new LG DoublePlay™ phone exclusively from TMobile should be on your list! With a customizable touch screen AND a full slide-out QWERTY keyboard this phone would be great for even Grandma who isn't so hip to all that new fangled touch screen "futuristic" stuff.

For the busy multi-tasking mom or dad on the go, the LG DoublePlay™ allows the user to switch quickly back and forth between features and pages for updating Facebook with Little Jimmy's soccer pictures, your calendar with the rescheduled dentist appointment and that conference call after dinner, plus download the coupon for pudding you need!

For your teen? Multiple messaging options and group texting are available which is really all they care about. They can fast finger between Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and texts all with lightening speed from under the desk in math class. Perfect, no?! I know I personally send and receive upwards of 2 to 3,000 texts a month. I have no doubt your teen has ME beat!

Add this phone to your Christmas list this week! With access to the Android Market via Android 2.3 and a complete customizable homescreen touchscreen with short-cuts for one touch navigation, it IS perfect for everyone on your list!

My world would stop if I didn't have my phone. Are you sure your world can continue without this one? Social Media is waiting for you and your new LG DoublePlay™. GET IT

I Hope You Choke - A Family Favorite

2011-12-15T06:38:00.000-06:00

Now, before I spend the rest of this post bagging on my mother, let me first get out of the way that she is the real life June Cleaver, minus the pearls with just the right amount of piss and vinegar (she isn't afraid to thrown down at the bus stop if someone is messin with her grandkid).

Mother Duck is a great cook. That's not to say she never turned out a bad meal, burnt one to bricks or experimented with a recipe to epically failing proportions. And by fail I mean, substituting 5 of the 8 ingredients a recipe called for. Most often we never knew unless she told us which was wisely done at the end of the meal. Pretty safe to say normally we left the table flabbergasted. This time we just left gassed.

"Its a Family Favorite", she called it when asked "whats for dinner tonight?" Not really sure what that meant, it was enough to placate our grumbling bellies for the time being. The closer it came to our round-table time, we always ate as a family regardless of what else was happening, the greater the suffrage of my nose. At some point I took a break from drawing gas chambers and highlighting the Poison Control hotline numbers in all our phone books (ok...I kid...I don't know what I was doing... probably laid up like a slug on the couch watching Brady Bunch reruns). When I poked my head in the kitchen I expected to see my mother at the stove with a cauldron of bubbling green goo.

By the time we occupied our spots at the table I'd already decided I wasn't going to like this "family favorite". With the first bite I gagged, her eyes pinned me to the chair. With the second bite I audibly choked and spit it in my napkin; she spoke "knock it off. EAT."

*DRAMATIC GASP*

"OHMYGODICAN'TTAKEANYOTHERBITE. THISISSOGROSS! *GASP* HOWCOULDYOUMAKEUSEATTHIS? *TEARS PRODUCED* EVENKIDSIN3RDWORLDCOUNTRIESWOULDN'TEATTHIS. I MIGHT DIE *GASP*"

Somewhere from inside the steam billowing from mother's ears and filling the void of silence where my whining had once occupied came a strained, low grumble sounding wholly possessed and nothing like my mother, "I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR DINNER."

Written based on the weekly Mama Kat's writing prompt: Describe your least favorite meal growing up

Things To Stop Doing To Yourself

2011-12-14T00:00:00.002-06:00

I always strive to publish original posts regardless of how forked the rail in which my thought train rides. Its just me. I do take pride in what makes me Ducky. That being said here is my disclaimer for today's post...this was simply too awesome to NOT pass along to you! This comes to you via the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog. All credit and content from the period at the end of this sentence belongs to the publisher of that blog.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1.Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

2.Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

3.Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.

4.Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

5.Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

6.Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

7.Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

8.Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

9.Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

10.Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.

11.Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

12.Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

13.Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

14.Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

15.Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

16.Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

17.Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

18.Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

19.Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

20.Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

21.Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

22.Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

23.Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.

24.Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

25.Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

26.Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

27.Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

28.Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

29.Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

30.Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

To Send or Not To Send

2011-12-13T00:00:00.002-06:00

To Send or Not To Send....that is the question.... or is it?

I read a post by a divorced man who was a self proclaimed Christmas Card Asshole Grinch <---his words not mine. He had a LONG post ranting about saving the paper and the stamp and the money because he didn't want the crap. It was his ex-wife who loved all that crap, plastered it all over the fridge for the year and now that he was divorced all he did was toss it in the trash. He didn't want your photos, he didn't want your year-in-review letters. He basically didn't give a rat's ass and just leave him the hell alone to sit and fester with the lump of coal up his ass.

Okay...I added the part about the coal.

I can see his side of it I suppose...to an extent. I DO roll my eyes when I get cards from people I only hear from once a year (at Christmas) and promptly trash the card. Whats the point?

However I DO love getting cards from friends and family and I don't mind at all the "year-in-review" letters that come with. I look forward to sitting down with my cards and hand addressing them and writing messages on each one. I'm still of the old school. I know I could have any one of those services not only sign my name but address, stamp and mail my envelopes for me. That takes the fun out of it.

I don't have all the time in the world but I do like to sit in the quiet of an evening for the task. Amazingly since my own divorce my Christmas Card list hasn't gotten smaller as one would think but actually doubled in size much to my delight. Of course I don't have the time ~~or the patience~~ to sit and type out a Year In Review letter for my and Lil Duck's accomplishments. I'm never sure how to narrow down the accomplishments and highlights anyway. It would probably look something like...

Lil Duck loves to holler FireButtocks and Safety and make her lovies fart on everyone. She sings and accessorizes like Rock Star Diva. Work sucks, I fell into the toilet, climbed a waterfall and tried to eat a tampon. Lil Duck thinks she's a Princess and likes to call me the Queen. Irishman and I are doing swimmingly well and I have an amazing sexlife. Thing 1, Thing 2 and I are bonding super duper well over farts, airsoft guns and epic rap battles. We're starting new traditions, modifying old ones and my sister is still dead. Santa says he can't bring her back.

So...that about wraps it up.

Merry Christmas ~Happy New Year ~Don't Forget My Birthday

Or I could just write the URL to the blog. That might be a better way to catch up. I think a simple Merry Christmas will suffice it for this little family.

What is your take? Send? Don't Send? Letter? No Letter?

Meet Me On Monday- Fear The Fuzzy

2011-12-12T00:00:00.001-06:00

Getting to know the person behind the blog a few questions at a time. BCC is linking up today with Never Growing Old and her Meet Me On Monday meme. A little about me that you didn't care to know but I'm telling you anyway. Feel free to grab her button, link up and answer them yourself or leave your answers in the comments below! Happy Craptastic Monday Quackers!

Questions:

1. Monday's are _________?
2. What is your favorite kind of milkshake?
3. What monthly bill do you most dislike paying?
4. How many email addresses do you use on a regular basis?
5. What color lights are on your Christmas Tree?
---------------------------------------------------------------
My Answers!

1. Monday's are......
Usually a blur. They arrive so deng quickly I'm never ready for them and they are almost ALWAYS typical. (Like THIS one)

2. What is your favorite kind of milkshake?

I'm a diabetic so I don't do milkshakes very often but when I do, I am not picky...please don't make me choose. I will take one of each!

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3. What monthly bill do you most dislike paying?

The house payment I suppose. Its the biggest chunk of my monthy bills...or the credit card bills. I'm still pretty hot about being stuck with the whole damn thing. Thats another story.

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4. How many email addresses do you use on a regular basis?

Four I believe...unless there are some out there I don't know about. One for work, One for the blog, one thats my personal email....crap....that's three. Um...THREE email accounts.

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5. What color lights are on your Christmas Tree?

White lights. I think it makes the ornaments stand out. I could be wrong except that I'm rarely wrong ~~cough~~. Since I was wrong on number 4 that's my err for the year. I'm good. You can stand firm in my accuracy from here on out. ~~cough~~ So white lights it is...

Thanks for popping in. It was a pleasure to meet you.

Enjoy the rest of your Craptastic Monday.

::Knucklebump:: ~Ducky~

My Memories - Go Digital

2011-12-10T21:25:00.010-06:00

This is a perfect way to put the highlights of your holiday adventures into an artfully displayed keepsake that will look as though you've spent hours when that's not the case at all! Digital is where its at with EVERYTHING these days. Snapping photos with your smartphone, your digital camera or iPad...this is the perfect software for scrap booking your most memorable moments. Don't limit yourself to thinking JUST scrapbook, you can also put together wonderful photobooks or pages to add to your blog design!

I was all set to share my own created page with you but then I received my Tips and Tools email from Liz at My Memories and it contained this awesome idea! A Recipe Album! AWESOME timing for having just survived the holidays. I know I swap a few recipes during the festivities and what better way to compile them all?

WIN YOUR SOFTWARE and start recording fabulous memories for FREE!

My Memories Suite software is the #1 rated digital scrapbooking software, user friendly with lots of themes and options to choose from you'll be well on your way to creating amazing works of art!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good Girls Naughty Wish List Complements of EdenFantasys

2011-12-10T19:07:00.003-06:00

I still content that being on the Naughty List (the right kind of naughty that is...not kicking kittens or anything) gets your stocking stuffed with better items than the good girls. *grin* Chocolate IS good but not nearly as good as finding a brand new Pocket Rocket in your stocking come Christmas morning. If sex toys aren't quite what you had in mind for your Naughty List that's okay. EdenFantasys has an amazing new line of Bath and Body products and Lingerie. So you could always find some amazing body butter, get super soft and silky and slip into something super soft and silky before climbing into bed next to the best Christmas gift money can not buy. And suppose you just want STUFF...

...we'll take a look a my running Wish List (because Christmas gifting should be EVERY day, right?!)...

Santa Duckie discrete massager....A MUST obviously

And of course being the lip gloss/chap stick/lipbalm fanatic I am I want to try one of everything they offer. They have the perfect solution for someone like me!

12 Days of Christmas Lip Set priced at $23.99

If you're looking to spend a little less (because its really for you and you're feeling guilty for buying for yourself when you should be buying for everyone else on your list *ahem* not like me or anything).... Check out this Minty Breath Freshening Lip Balm for $5.99

Not sure what you're looking for? The folks at EdenFantasys has you covered! They've created a fabulous new Gift Guide to help you find the perfect gift at the right price for each person on your list from Grandma Ethel, Uncle Roger, Cousin Suzy to your Mailman!

Save A Stamp - Blog A Letter

2011-12-07T00:00:00.003-06:00

Dearest ER Nurse~

While I greatly appreciated your humor, I'm pretty sure Irishman did not. You made a usually very unpleasant experience much more tolerable. For that I thank you. I can not guarantee however that Irishman was joking when he said he hoped you were not traveling by plane any time soon. (Two thumbs up on not letting that vein roll on the IV poke. The glove snap was a nice touch too.)

Sincerely,

Ducky

----------------------------------------------------

HEY YOU Boogerlickers~

Iffin you infect me with that puking from both ends crap that is going around, I will bite your ankles, pull your hair and steal your chocolate milk! YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED!

-THE SCARY-SMILEY INTERPRETER LADYDUCK

------------------------------------------------

Dear Hospital~

I do think you should have a group rate and maybe even a family party room. Monday night my sister, brother in law, niece, nephew, mother, Irishman and myself were all present. Congregated in different areas on different floors for different reasons, yes, but all there nonetheless. Plus I have mad gown tying skillz. Surely that counts for something.

Warmest Regards

She Who Is Good With Strings

And ODD Duck

2011-12-06T06:45:00.000-06:00

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ODD not to be confused with OCD which I do not suffer from except in the realm of GERMS.

At this point in my life I'm pretty comfortable in my oddity and I think at times it lends a certain element of charm to my pizazz. Don't rain on my parade. I'm entitled to my thoughts however erroneous they may be. Some people hear voices, some see invisible people and others have no imagination whatsoever.

Moving along.

A Twitter convo with @Yorkiemomma from Carries Rambles in which @BabesRockinMami from Babes Rockin Mami chimed in on, brought up my weirdness and it got me thinking. That's always dangerous. Forrest Gump sort of dangerous in that once my mind starts running you never know what yer gonna get.

Ways in which I am ODD...

~I love celery

~and Wasabi Peas

~I have a phobia of swimming in lakes - I'm afraid of JAWS.

~I generally greatly prefer to read a book over watching a move. I do not at all like movies where people die. Period.

~I have never read a Harry Potter book OR seen a Harry Potter movie.

~On that same note I have not read any of the Twlight Series either.

~I can be totally random. My train runs on its own track which is forked in multiple directions to the point that any GPS would spontaneously catch fire and melt into a hunk of useless plastic.

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~I am a morning person - to those around me that makes me both odd and highly annoying.
~I never choose the 3rd stall in a public bathroom.

~I love words. I use and understand big ones when I speak. Can't spell worth shit.

~I go to bed between 7:30 and 8 during the week.

3 Wise Women Holiday Cheer Giveaway - Big Prize Pack

2011-12-05T00:02:00.022-06:00

***I'm also featured today at Kissed By A Frog. Click HERE to check it out**

I'm teaming up with Free To Be Stacia Lee and Random Blogette to bring you a MOST FABULOUS giveaway that you won't want to miss! A GRAND DADDY prize package with easy entries to kick off your holiday season right! You're busy making your lists and checking them twice, its about time unto thine ownself to do something nice!
"

This awesome Holiday Cheer pack includes:

$25 Clothes Mentor gift card, The Limited Colorblock Texture Chain necklace,

3 Complete Outfit Boards from Free To Be Stacia Lee's Personal Shopping Service,

1 month of AD space here on Batcrap Crazy, 1 month of AD space on Random Blogette

and a Vintage Santa mug to round out the package.

wish by freetobestacialee on polyvore.com

*FTC Disclosure: We did not receive compensation in any form for this giveaway. Clothes Mentor is providing the $25 gift card for the giveaway.

Costume SuperCenter -Review

2011-12-03T07:20:00.000-06:00

Matters not that Halloween is past and the Christmas season is in full swing, costumes are a staple year round in some homes, mine especially. If I allowed it, and sometimes I do just because its fun, Lil Duck would sleep in her dress up gear. Disney Princesses Abound! Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Ariel, SilverMist, Tinkerbell, Ballerinas and now Snow White has joined our party.

Well crafted for repeated wear and play, your selection need not be limited to the shorties in your life. Costume SuperCenter carries more than just kids Snow White Costumes, they have a wide selection of costumes for adults as well as your dog! Hitting a themed holiday party or just want Santa to stick you at the to of the naughty list? You'll find options for that too! They even have a section for group costumes. Pretty sure they have whatever you need covered. I have a running wish list of items to add to Lil Duck's dress up collection and catching items on sale and in the 'off season' is a great time to do it. Costume SuperCenter carries not only the costume itself but a large selection of accessories as well; shoes, wands, wigs. Its a one-stop shop!

You'll find costumes starting as low as $4.99 and with "risk free" shopping where they pay shipping for exchanges you can't go wrong! Pay online with your credit card or your paypal account or call and phone your order in, its all designed with your convenience in mind!

***I was provided product for the purpose of facilitating the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**

Blinded By The Light

2011-12-02T12:30:00.000-06:00

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you can not see the shadow" ~Helen Keller

One of MamaKat's writing prompts recently offered this quote and the challenge to use it in writing about about what ways allow you to stay positive about something that sometimes brings you down.

Instantly blaring through my grey matter was the chorus of Springsteen's Blinded By The Light. Of course the rest of the song doesn't fit at all. Surely though you've done it before and not just as a child. Eyes tightly slammed shut, feet firmly planted and face lifted skyward into the strongest, warmest, brightest sunbeam you can find. I can't be the only one.

Blinded by the light.

As a child I loved the little sparkle bursts that displayed on the inside of my eyelids. As an adult, I beg for the warmth to course through me as the fingers of light pierce and wrap around my eyeballs, into my brain and forcefully squash the shadows leaving a glow all the ways to my toes. Light can be more powerful than darkness. And with that particular light source comes also warmth; that warmth is one of the most comforting hugs at times and releases some amazing memories in the wake of the blindness.

Sometimes though...sometimes it hurts the most to close my eyes. Holidays are a tough time for many people for all different reasons. The sunshine isn't so bright these days as is typical of winter and I'm finding I miss my sister ever so much. Starting new traditions, remembering and celebrating old ones, honoring her life and finding new ways to work her memories into every day life helps generate warmth and light.

I light a candle in her honor, her memory, watching it dance and remembering her laughter as it waves and twinkles a staccato rhythm of shadows on the wall just as her voice would have sounded. The only light source in the room other than my Christmas decorations, I greet my insomnia with memories of my sister's favorite time of the year and stare mesmerized into the flame....blinded by light.

FIRE! Like A Stripper To A Pole...

2011-12-01T12:01:00.000-06:00

It's Thursday, why not pull a great memory or story from yesteryear (or yesterday...) and relive ~~the horror embarrassment terror~~ fun of it?! Heck, pull it from the achieves of your blog if you like. Who REALLY goes back into the early days of posting to see what goodness may be hiding there? *ahem* Not that I'm reposting or anything. It was fun last time so I figured I would do it again...

Like a stripper to a pole so am I to a flame. FIRE. I love it. A closet pyro, a SPEESHEAL breed of duck and an insomniac; heh...when you mix stupid and fire someone is bound to get burned.

*raises hand*

Dumbass table of one….now seating…..

Boring stuff short? I hit a hot sale at the Yankee Candle store and brought home enough scented candles to cover Martha Stewart’s farts for a year. JACKPOT!

So there I sit at the kitchen table with my line of orgasm by fire laid out in front of me. After selecting the first beautiful specimen to touch with my fire stick, I strike it up and sit back basking in the glow of pleasure.

2 minutes pass….I don’t smell anything yet.

I’m not of the patient sort….I glance at the clock. I’m getting cranky that this over-priced candle isn’t worth a pile of melted wax because IT. DOESN'T. SMELL.

Someone me gets the bright idea that maybe if my nose were just a little closer I could catch a trail of its scent.

Makes sense, right?!

Yeah…THAT worked out well.

Not only did I not smell anything but I was so mesmerized by the flickering flame that I had no awareness of how close I actually was to said flame.

CUE SINGED HAIR….lost some eyelashes and all the hair in my nose. (Yeah, I’ve got hair in my nose…sorry if that detracts a little from the fabulously sexy sultry goddess image you have of me.) Let me tellya, singed nose hair? Smells disgusting...and you can't escape it. Its VERY weird having these little singed hairballs in your nose....

I don't suggest you try this at home. You lookie....NO TOCHEY THE LIGHT

You're welcome.

I Tried To Eat A Tampon

2011-11-30T00:00:00.001-06:00

It started off like a typical Monday. Half way into my commute to the inner city my whooha chugged my coffee. Yes… doesn’t everyone want a perky vagina to start their Monday? No? Yeah….me neither to be honest. Evidently that particular travel mug isn’t suppose to go in the dishwasher and ~~the ever lazy person I am~~ always one to follow directions, I have routinely shoved it in the dishwasher. < Insert Travel Mug Fail Here>. The bottom started leaking and I had no idea until the burning sensation reach my crochital region <--yes, I know that isn’t a word. Work with me here.

When the nether regions start burning in what seems to be an arbitrary moment most people freak out (or I assume. I really don’t know for sure), and I did. However we aren’t talking STD’s and GNYO visits here. We are talking HOT COFFEE; Peppermint Mocha from Dunkin Donuts to be exact. *le sob* This should have been my early indication as to how the rest of my Monday was to play out. Mmmm nope. I must have eaten an extra serving of stoopid for breakfast.

Fast forward to work and a couple hours later, my blood sugar (yes, I’m a diabetic) is dropping the world is spinning and I’m blindly groping inside my monster work bag. My fingertips grasp the edge of some wrinkling foil sounding paper and my brain registers “Candy Bar ala Sugar”. I yank it, unwrap the end and go to ~~snarf it in one bite~~ take a bite.

SNACK FAIL

While someone somewhere may enjoy eating cotton, I do not. I hadn’t grabbed a sugar source at all but instead pulled the tampon out of the bottom of the bag. Welcome to my life. *sigh* Just par for the Monday course I suppose. The rest of the day fell along those same lines…one lovely folly after another. Yeah Me!

To add insult to injury, I stopped for a quick run in to a major retailer later in the evening. Ended up with a cart full of items including some Christmas gifts I hadn’t planned on buying yet but couldn’t pass up the prices. Headed to the check out line I reach into my pocket for my little coin purse and came out with a handful of pure fullblown P A N I C! It was gone. Dear Lord In Heaven. WHY?!

I stashed my cart in customer service and I’m sure they were really buying my “I left my purse in the car” story as I quite possibly looked full on PSYCHOTIC at that point. I stalked the parking lot, ripped apart my car, checked all my pockets ten thousand times over as if maybe it would magically appear if I patted myself down enough and I'm pretty sure I even looked skyward and ~~screamed~~ mouthed WHY?!. Nothing….nada…empty.

All I can say today is THANK GOD IT IS NOT MONDAY!

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Tis The Season...

2011-11-29T00:00:00.005-06:00

Things that make me smile.... CHRISTMAS! And its beginning to look a lot like it... my favorite time of year where each moment is a memory in the making and my heart smiles bigger than I thought possible....

Lil Duck finally named our Elf On A Shelf and

is completely entrenched in the magic of it!

My little Christmas fairy decorating the tree with her own ornaments,

carrying on the tradition my parents started with me.

Setting out the carolers and lamppost hand made

by my grandmother and passed down

Setting up our village this year and creating stories with Lil Duck

about who lives in each house and what is on their list from Santa.

I love sitting back while the house is asleep with a big mug

of hot chocolate and looking at the lights twinkle

in my own Christmas wonderland.

For more photographic moments of Happiness, check out the

52 Weeks of Happiness Project

Fact or Fiction - It May Be Genetic

2011-11-28T00:00:00.002-06:00

"We got rid of Molly," her little voice rambled on from the back seat as we rolled down the road and she chatted with her Dad on the phone. WTH?! We did NOT get rid of the dog! Another night she told him we'd been to Cracker Barrel for dinner and I had been mean to her the whole day. At that point her eyes were fixed on the kitchen table and her spaghetti painted face plastered in a grin as I poke her in the belly. We did NOT go out for dinner and I hadn't once gotten on to her that day. We'd had a fabulous afternoon together....the turd!

Lil Duck is quite the little story teller, one day telling her Dad during a nightly phone call that all she'd done the whole day was lay in the chair and poop. *eyeroll* Someone find this kid an agent!!! I've shared many chuckles with my own mother over it; her much more hearty than mine. What's that saying about your child being 10 times worse than yourself?

Yeah....sigh....the only support I received from my own mother was her telling me between guffaws, ..."I distinctly remember your kindergarten teacher telling me, 'if you don't believe everything she tells you about school I won't believe everything she tells me about home!'" Evidently my mother readily agreed with my teacher. And after spending this past Saturday night with my folks where the libations and stories were smoothly flowing I know exactly whom I take after. Thank you Mother! At least now I have some great dirt on my mom I hadn't ever known.

This morning I'm still left wondering though, is there a support group????

EdenFantasys Lingerie Review - Adult Content

2011-11-27T11:41:00.001-06:00

Sex toys and accessories may not be the spice you choose to add to your bedroom time. EdenFantasys anticipates such a wide variety of needs, wants and desires and they have a fantastic quality Lingerie line. I'm a bit obsessed with it. While they offer anything from floor length silk gowns to peek-a-boo teddies, I've had much fun stepping out of my tank and shorts comfort zone.

I've tried 3 different selections and been extremely happy with each one not only in quality and comfort but price as well.With pricing starting at $14 there is truly something for everyone here. While each piece requires hand washing, as most nightwear does, they have all laundered well and proven their quality in every area.

The strapped mini dress is awesomely versatile in that it can be paired with a variety of accessories to fit the mood and change up the look. It is very comfortable, fits regardless of weight fluctuation (the material is very stretchy) and makes Irishman DROOL. Hand wash with care and this will remain a go-to number in your line up.

I have also tried a few of the bodystocking selections EdenFantasys offers. Extremely affordably priced and surprisingly comfortable, the stockings are easy to slip into just be mindful to use some care as not to snag anything. They are soft against the skin and whether the fishnet style or the bows and lace, were surprisingly sturdy. The bodystockings can even be layered under regular clothing with hints of what is to come. These are an absolute value for the money and a piece you'll want to add to your collection.

Knowing the quality of EdenFantasys products and my level of satisfaction *snicker* with every purchase, I have a running Wish List. Just in time for the Holidays they are promoting new Lingerie lines and not only provide the outfit but finishing touches accessories as well. Its a one stop shop for the bedroom! Take advantage of Cyber Monday and make sure you're at the top of Santa's Naughty List.

*I will receive a gift card to EdenFantasys.com for writing a review of my experience with their products. This is no way sways my opinion or guarantees a favorable review.

Thanksgiving Prozac

2011-11-23T00:00:00.001-06:00

Recently (like last week...I've been saving this one) I was looking through my stats/sitemeter/analytics because I like to see who is stalking me. It amuses me at times...anyway... I'm always interested in what search words bring viewers/stalkers/readers to BCC and I laughed out loud when Mr/Mrs RoadRunner googled THANKSGIVING PROZAC and found themselves here at the pond. I like to think we can all share a few laughs and you leave feeling a little better. Hmmm? No?!

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for finding the NUT to my BOLT....the TURKEY to my WADDLE...the HERO to my SUPER (<--heh...got a little corny...sorry). So from The Duck & Irishman,

Happy Thanksgiving

Mayhaps the WONDERrment be over in a FLASH, but the Prozac (and wine) be plentiful! Warmest wishes for a fabulous Holiday!

I Waved Celery and Fell In The Toilet

2011-11-22T00:00:00.002-06:00

Tuesdays are reserved for everything from tirades, to photo happiness to randomness. Since randomness suits me best these days that's the route I'm taking today. Surprised? Meh...me neither. Grab your panties and lets hit this random someoneneedsmedstat ride together.

You can thank Big Mama Cass at Casa di Cass for the linkup

~ On the drive between buildings at work some ~~psycho~~ woman of the Minivan Mafia wanted in my lane and to take the spot I occupied. The lane wasn't quite big enough for us both and Harriet The Honda went beep beep. Minivan Mafia ~~pycho crazy lady~~ woman gave me the ugly angry face and silently screamed angry words. I shook my celery stalk at her. I showed her!

~ My feet are really cold. I hate that.

~ The lady on the news said BMI and I giggled out loud. BM...yes I'm 12.

~ So yesterday? I fell in the toilet. Seriously, how do you fall in a toilet when stone cold sober?
Be Me.
In my defense it was a combination of things. Allow me to share...
1. The toilet at work is HUGE....my ass is not.
2. I'd had a total of 2 hours of sleep in 24. Tired didn't even begin to cover it.
3. I was wearing my glasses instead of my contacts.
Both #2 and #3 (<--fixed that thanks to Kristin) could affect my balance and depth perception.
4. The caffeine buzz made me dizzy. Sudden movements and it was all downhill from there.

~ I had another thought but it is completely gone now. That is happening a lot lately.

~ I'm ready to decorate for Christmas. If I could get on my own roof and hang the lights I would be out there right this minute doing it. Eh...maybe...its pretty cold and my feet are still cold.

Santa Baby... Yeah, I Went There ALREADY

2011-11-21T00:00:00.007-06:00

The stores are already hitting it from every angle. Christmas lighting ceremonies are planned for this week and the days following. Radio stations will soon be switching over to their holiday programming and its time to be making wish lists. Those of you that brave the Black Friday crowds (I don't. Jail cells really aren't my thing) already HAVE the wish lists. I decided why not have a little fun with it? My tree will only have gifts for others under it so I'm going to go all out...channel some of that Christmas Magic. Who knows....maybe if I wear this

I might get some of this....

Fergalicious Standup In Black

Park Avenue Princess Coat

I want to be sitting here

I want to win

Bling would be great!

As long as I had a cleaning staff this would be alright too...

What is on your list this year? Real or Fanciful.... I'm not really asking for much *grin* so delight me with your wishes.

Speakeasys- Beware The Raid

2011-11-17T00:00:00.002-06:00

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Fancy cocktails in murky surroundings, they've captured the allure and affection for a piece of American history where going against the grain was in fashion; the newest nightlife hot spots loosely fashioned after bygone days and I was there in stiletto boots and he in his dashing derby hat both sophisticate and clad in black.

One of those rare Saturday nights Irishman had a night off from vectoring airplanes from atop the pedestal of death and he surprised me with a trip to the city's hottest secretive basement bar. Unless you know someone who has been before, good luck finding more info other than a contact number and that's if you know at least the name. You must text a reservation request to the number. They respond with your confirmation time and the address a few hours prior. Be prompt were the instructions.

We parked in a nondescript lot, wandered around the outside of a building until we found ourselves in a back alley, behind a dumpster and next to what appeared to be a back service door to a restaurant in the heart of downtown. A small receiving dock, locking pull-down gate, raised at the time, and half-full soapy water buckets slopped up in corners of the concrete slab. We stepped up and into the small arch of light cast downward by the single bulb hanging above a very plain unassuming door. Next to the door a small button and a simple gold placard displaying the bar name. The only indication we were in deed in the right place.

Inside, down a narrow set of basement stairs through a long hallway and around a corner, the basement passageway opens up into a very cozy candle lit bar and seating area. The need for reservations immediately apparent for seating is intensely limited. Don't expect to find any food on the menu. This establishment is strictly to appease your cocktail palate. Delectable, delicious, exquisite, exotic and erotic it definitely was. Heh...okay...so maybe the erotic part was later but you totally understand how amazing the ambiance was.

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If you know anything about the Prohibition era, you know that it took effect sometime in Januaray of 1920 and ended around December of 1933. It was also reportedly the WORST era for cocktails in the United States which stands to reason. Half the liquor was homemade or adulterated and in place of the classics substitutions were made with some crazy concotions used to mask the fact that subpar ingredients were being used. Do enough research on the subject and you'll find that many people actually died from these crazy cocktails. So really, these new age speakeasys are designing themselves after the dazzling age of cocktails from 1890 to 1910 where one could find house infused liquors, fresh fruit juices, hand chipped ice and some amazing vegetable purees used. And that is EXACTLY what this bar offered!

We tried one of almost everything between the two of us and spent an ungodly amount of money. It was SO incredibly worth it. I can not wait to go back! It by far rivals anything I have had in any city I have ever traveled to...and I've done some travelling prior to motherhood.

Speakeasy quackers, lest there be a raid a coming....and check your own city for one of the fabulous bars!!

Personal Shopping Service GIVEAWAY!

2011-11-16T00:00:00.001-06:00

Ever wish the clothes would just magically appear in your closet?

I DO

Feel overwhelmed at putting together a stunning ensamble for those holiday parties that won't blow your budget?

I DO

Simply OUT OF TIME to shop for yourself never mind lacking the ability to put the outfit together down to the last accessorized detail?

Free To Be Stacia Lee is generously giving away access to her Personal Shopping Service! You don't have leave home, or spend any more time than to email her a quick photo of yourself along with a few other details (holiday party? causal or work ensamble? just something new for YOU?) and she will shop for you, putting together TWO complete outfits accessories included!

You can read about my recent fabulous experience with her HERE.

MerryChristmasHappyBirthdayMerryHappyHanukkahKawanza To YOU! or Sue...keep it for yourself or give it as a gfit!

I Done Did It x 22

2011-11-14T10:37:00.001-06:00

From time to time I check out the writing prompts from Mama Kat's writer's workshop and more often than not use them in my own personal journal. The one you quackers don't get a peep at. I'm still a big fan of that pen and paper stuff. I'm SO old school, I know. This one has been sitting awhile and today is as good a day as any to post it.

22 Things I've Done

prompt compliments of Mama Kat

1. Broken a bone, waited 2 days before even going to the doctor and 5 more before receiving any pain meds. And I was 5 months pregnant at the time. #WonderWoman

2. Interpreted a Garth Brooks concert, on stage, in front of 18,000+ screaming fans. His fans....not mine. I only have 600 that I know of.

3. Buried my sister and held the hand of her 5 year old son as we said "see you later"

4. gained 50 pounds then shed 65. "Hello skinny jeans"

5. Met Bill Cosby, interpreted a presentation he gave and was very UNimpressed with the man.

6. Was pulled on stage during a concert for a "Best Booty Shake" contest with my then roommate and friend KB

7. Appeared in a children's television program pilot episode

8. While wearing a purple wig, I mooned a stranger and may or may not have slapped his ass as he walked by. (he's not a stranger any more).

9. Peed my name...okay...my initials in the snow.

10. Won a hula hoop contest subsequently splitting my pants front to back when I bent down to pick the hoop off the floor and collected my yard margarita with my butt hanging out.

11. Survived simply because I know how to laugh. (thats ambiguous on purpose)

12. Killed 4 Blackberries in 12 months time. 2 were not my fault.

13. Been on a bazillion blind dates once upon a time.

14. Left more than one blind date at the table while my Sista picked me up out front due to a "family emergency".

15. Mixed up oatmeal cookie dough and ate it all before baking a single cookie.

16. Gone on a date with myself.

17. Read an 800+ page novel in a day and a half. It was that good. (God bless Jamie Fraser and Diana Gabaldon)

18. Driven while naked.....eh...guess I wasn't technically the one driving....

19. Flown to another city just to have dinner. Then came home.

20. Sang the National Anthem at a major league sporting event.

21. Climbed a waterfall.

22. Swam in a lake and got attacked by a shark....ok...so maybe it wasn't a shark. Oooor even a fish. May have just been some drift wood. I HATE swimming in water I cant' see through. It COULD'VE been a shark!

But I Wanna Pet It! - Throwback Thursday II

2011-11-10T12:00:00.004-06:00

It's Thursday, why not pull a great memory or story from yesteryear (or yesterday...) and relive ~~the horror embarrassment terror~~ fun of it?! Heck, pull it from the achieves of your blog if you like. Who REALLY goes back into the early days of posting to see what goodness may be hiding there? *ahem* Not that I'm reposting or anything. It was fun last week so I figured I would do it again...

We started with pet gold fish, my sister and I. Hers Walter Sunshine, mine Abraham… they lived in separate bowls but on the same counter top. We loved them, we watched them, we fed them. Mom changed their water.

One day while providing fresh water for these stellar pets, Abraham got dropped into the garbage disposal. Now, I don’t know all the details, I don’t think they were ever shared with me... I was young… young enough to be upset but not traumatized. I was old enough to play on mother’s guilt. SISTA totally rubbed it in that Walter Sunshine swam normally in his little suburbia bowl while Abraham, after being rescued (she hadn’t flipped the switch afterall) never again swished his tail fins and always slept either sideways or with his nose firmly pressed to the bottom of the bowl. They aren't suppose to do that.

Two days later mom and dad came home with a brand new 10 gallon tank; all the bells and whistles of the fish world complete with a air bubble pirate’s chest that tumbled with bling. SISTA and I picked out the perfect spot in our room, bestowed names on all the new inhabitants and immediately started over feeding our new pets.

Fast forward one year.

Fish – BORING

Hamsters – AWESOME

We really wanted a dog but that wasn’t going to happen. Each time we brought up the topic of a new pet we were reminded of the fish.

But we want something we can peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

DAD: you can pet fish.

Nooooooooooo! The might bite our fingers.

Dad: don’t stick your hand in the tank. You can pet them when they die. (<--such a funny guy)

….and the seed was planted. Dad really wasn’t mean. You just have to understand his sense of humor. He always chortled when he said that.

SISTA and I began waiting for the Sunday papers each week to look through pet store ads. We clipped and cut and pasted and saved and created the most fantastic hamsters world on paper a furry rodent could ever hope for. We also stopped feeding the fish.

Eventually they began to eat one another.

One day there was not but a pile of bones on the bottom of the tank. Next to the treasure chest. We stood infront of the tank, mesmerized...

SISTA: They’re gone.

Ducky: Yep

SISTA:…smiles

Ducky: (high five) I’ll get the notebook

SISTA:daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Can we go to the pet store?

A short time later SISTA and I were the proud owners of the cutest little yellow hamster named Popcorn.

How Do Ya Like Them Apples - Ducky Gets Fashionable

2011-11-09T12:30:00.002-06:00

Fashion Forward or BassAckwards?

Fashion Savant or Fashion Faux Pas?

I'm the latter on both. I find great pieces that I love and will somewhat keep me this side of the 21st century mark without screaming SHE WAS BORN IN THE ~~70's~~ 80's... SHE OWNS NOTHING BUT PRACTICAL BORING MOM STUFF...or DOES THE WOMAN NOT OWN A MIRROR? CHECK THE WOMAN FOR GRAY STREAKS AND CHIN HAIR (<--sadly that's no joke) Unfortunately I have zero ideas on how to put it all together...or WHAT should go to together. Enter Stacia Lee
"

I found this fashion gem during a Monday blog hop last month as the Friends You Love group celebrated friendships and new bloggers (she guest posted at The Random Blogette). She is adorable. If I could put her in my pocket every time I hit the shops I would. The next best thing? Using her Personal Shopper services. #WINNING! I found these great boots and like always had nothing to wear with them. I hit up Stacia and she asked a few questions, I sent a few photos of myself (and the boots) and within a week she presented me with three complete outfits; all the way down to ear rings and bracelets!

Stacia did a fabulous job, everything is within my budget (even if I have to acquire slowly). I love everything she picked out for me, some pieces will work with what is already in my closet AND I am mixing and matching and adding a little flare of my own. I know...I know...walking on the WILD side!

Here is what she put together....all the outfits can be found on polyvore.com and her username is freetobestacialee. All of the pieces are from Old Navy, Kohls, Target, Jess LC and The Limited. The first board is Date Night, followed by Girls Night Out and then Work It. Stacia has some great style features on her blog too. She not only decorates the body but your home as well! Check her out! You'll love it!

Girls night out by freetobestacialee featuring yellow gold jewelry

"Work" it by freetobestacialee featuring hammered jewelry

Celery Beer Photography - Random Tuesday

2011-11-08T00:00:00.007-06:00

It is Tuesday... We made it through Monday and if your Monday was anything like mine, survival is wholly commendable. It isn't any wonder if you've woken today feeling a bit numb, disoriented, discombobulated and all over wonky. Yes...I said wonky. I know. I've been on a major verbiage modification mission and its obviously one of the few successful things going for me right now seeing as how I just typed wonky without even thinking about it. I digress....it is Tuesday and time for linking up with Big Mama Cass at Casa di Cass for some Random Tuesday Thoughts (which she just so happens to NOT be doing today cause she's moving across the country...as if... pffft).

-I very much feel like that half empty water bottle aimlessly thrashing about the floor board among the half crumpled, snotty, rain soggy, muddy tissues and napkins as I whip around corners and mash the break and gas alternately of Harriet my Honda.

-I baked and ate the the apple crisp. ALL. BY. MYSELF

-I saw my haircut on a lady 2 times my age the other day. She looked horrible. It has me rethinking my whole look and suddenly feeling insecure. Stupid, no?!

-This time change really has me screwed up. Instead of wanting to nap all day I want to nap all day. (<--no, that wasn't a typo).

-Lil Duck has been sick. Has a surgery appointment for tubes and hopefully that will provide her little body with some much needed relief. I was super touched to come home to find a message on the answering machine from the director of her preschool. She's missed two days and they were checking on her.

-Klout says I'm influential on Celery and Beer and Photography. I think those are kickass topics.

-It is raining. I wish I had a magic wand or that it really worked when I clicked my heels together. I keep trying...I do. I have the bruises to prove it.

-the 1920's were really cool fashion wise.

Is There A Pickle In Your Monkey?

2011-11-07T00:00:00.001-06:00

credits

We've all heard "Never Say Never" and "Just wait until it happens to you!". Those coined phrases can and do apply to so much of life and EVERY.SINGLE.STAGE of life.

Take my Butt Cape near disaster for example...never say it won't happen to you! "Just wait" until it does.... then you better come tell me about it!

Today though I'm specifically thinking of Parenthood. Things I never dreamed in my wildest ~~fantasies nightmares~~ dreams would ~~tumble forth~~ I give voice to and some pretty crazy schiz has tumbled forth ~~and still does.~~ Currently topping the list of

FAVORITE TOP 5 THINGS MOTHERHOOD LEGITIMATELY ALLOWED ME TO SAY....

1. You have a pickle in your monkey?

2. No chip-clipping the Nads!!!

3.Do you really have a banana in your pocket?

4. waking up Lil Duck by singing a song I made up about a

farting giraffe (whatever it takes to start the

day with giggles. O-Dark-Thirty is very very early).

5. Please stop honking my boob. MMMk?plzthx!

I know you've got some doozies...please do share!

Win Your Holiday Gifts Lovable Labels Giveaway

2011-11-04T10:30:00.000-05:00

Lovable Labels is featuring fabulous options for the holidays! Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or just ushering in the New Year you will find a label pack to meet your needs. In the review I chose the Return Address Labels with matching Gift Seals. With 6 design options to choose from, I found the perfect label and was able to customize the message on the gift seals. When paired with our photo cards this year, its going to make a wonderful holiday presentation .... to a mailbox! HA! Nonethless, I LOVED the way they looked!

If its Labels you're wanting, you'll find awesome Holiday options in the Holly Jolly Gift pack. Customize them with your child's name, or Love Santa/ Love The Johnson's and they've become your gift tags for the season! Limitless options!!

The Holly Jolly Gift Pack: was designed with the essentials in mind. Wrapped in a pretty red foil package, the recipient will receive 15 Multi-Purpose Stickers, 40 Slimline Labels, 12 Shoe Labels, 24 Press N’ Stick Clothing Dots ( 6 Large, 6 Medium, and 12 Small) and 2 Mini-Metal Tags. Everything you need to cover the basics and more! Limited Time Only! $24.99!

Comes in Christmas Jewels and Santa’s Pack

Gift Seals and Matching Address Labels: Holiday fashioned Gift Seals and Holiday Return Address Labels! 6 Designs to choose from. These self sealing gift seals with matching address return labels make a beautiful presentation when paired together on the envelope of your holiday cards. Each pack contains 60 Gift Seals and 90 Address Labels. Limited Time Only! $21.95

Comes in Winter Wishes, Starry Night, SNO Berries, Jingle all the Red,

A Green Christmas and Glow

WIN YOURS!!! Its super easy! Keep them for yourself, gift them to someone you love! Would make a perfect gift for a school teacher, mom of young ones or your bestie!

**The product in this review was provided to me free of cost for the purpose of conducting this review. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and are not influenced by monetary compensation.

I Was Double Dog Dared...I Couldn't Say No

2011-11-03T12:03:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday, why not pull a great memory or story from yesteryear (or yesterday...) and relive the ~~horror embarrassment terror~~ fun of it?! Heck, pull it from the achieves of your blog if you like. Who REALLY goes back into the early days of posting to see what goodness may be hiding there? *ahem* Not that I'm reposting or anything.

So... Throwback Thursday...yeah...I made it up. Or I think I did. If I didn't, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to poach. Just read my deng story, mmmmk? Thanks.

Sixteen and itching to get away from ~~prison~~ home, without the slightest bit of hesitation I jumped on the offer to join one of my bffs and her family on a short road trip over the Easter holiday break. Eight hours away, to the south, lies a small ~~microscopic~~ town with its ~~inbred bassackwards~~ hillbilly folk. (<---no hate mail. I love me some hillbillies!! Really. I do. Turst. I love him good. *giggle*) Not exactly exciting; not exactly New York or LA or even Chicago, but at least it was away from home. AND my girlfriend and I were allowed to drive down in her convertible while her parents followed in their vehicle. SCORE! For 8 ~~awesome~~ hours we pretneded we were on our own; top down, radio blaring and enough gossip and giggling to make you want to puke. I'm sure we may or may not ~~(I was totally the one who did it)~~ mooned a few truck drivers along the way.

Fast forward to the drive home (because really, it was a dew drop of a town and the most exciting happening was old Mr. Elmer farting in the Post Office and ending up with shart puddle around his boots. That’s not exactly People worthy gossip). We stop for lunch at a famous restaurant, Lambert's Café "The Only Home of Throwed Rolls".

No typos, that’s the name.

Yes, they are famous for throwing rolls at patrons while they eat.

Upon being seated Sue and I immediately noticed a table of Airmen in their flight suits eating nearby.

We’re 16. We have Guydar (kinda like penis radar but a nicer way of saying it).

After much debate and a few double dog dares from Sue’s father (and you KNOW Ducky RARELY backs down from a dare even at the age of 16), we giggle and swagger over to the table of guys. There’s just something about a man in uniform – even to this day they still ~~warms my girlie parts~~ make me smile.

We approach. The low rumble of conversation stops as four pair of eyes travel the length of us. Only two smile (dayum! Rough crowd already and we haven’t even done anthing yet!)

We get down on one knee.

Curiosity is passed around the table.

Sue and I suck up courage from our toes and open our mouths…

"Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you.

If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah.

We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday.

So don't...don't...don't...don't let it slip away.

You lost that lovin' feeling,

Whoa, that lovin' feeling,

You've lost that lovin' feeling,

Now it's gone...gone...gone...woooooah”

By this point the entire restaurant has gone silent; food falling out of open mouths, glasses breaking, rolls thudding to the floor. I’m sure a few wretched discretely into their napkins and birds began death spirals into the windows. Truly. It happened.

As we ended our shortened rendition of this Top Gun classic, every table BUT the one to which we handed our pride erupted in laughter and applause. Not these four men. Nope. These four sat stock still and looked at us like the stupid 16 year olds that we were.

Shortly after that I was thunked in the head with a roll.

THAT broke the table into laughter.

Those 2 minutes were the beginning and the end of my singing career. Scarred for life I now just SIGN words to songs. I don’t SING them and I think ears across America are sighing in relief.

Does Shit Run Uphill?

2011-11-02T00:00:00.001-05:00

credits

It does in my house, but then I've always known I was special. You know, in the speesheal sort of special kind of way.

Spent all afternoon with the plumber awhile back [insert pipe and crack jokes here]. Heh...not in that sort of way but I did get a detailed lesson in exactly how shit runs uphill; at my place anyway. I have a split entry house. The lower half sits below street levels and below city sewers. This requires a grinder pump to....yup....grind and propel poo to the street level. Fortunately the builder was thinking ahead and plumbed the house so ONLY the bathroom downstairs and the laundry room water dumped into that drum and subsequently pumped out.

Suuuuuuuure wish I'd known that when the pump suddenly failed and I spent two days peeing in the back yard with the dog. And damned if it didn't trip my motion sensor security flood light EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! HOW could I have lived in my house for 10 years and not known this little plumbing fact?

I also wish I'd known the downstairs bathroom was the only bathroom dumping into the pump since I NEVER used it. And all the times it malfunctioned or was clogged with toilet paper over the years I listened to the former moan, grumbled and holler about being elbow deep in MY shit and my over abundance in use of toilet paper. When in fact it was his own he was digging around in. For some reason that just makes me giggle....incessantly.... I'm a wee bit delirious these days. Works sucks. I digress.

So...pump fixed, education received, chuckle had, bill arrived I DIE! Turns out thats some expensive shit.

You can find me working the corner of 69th and Pimpin for the next ~~487~~ several weekends.

Ducks of a Feather...

2011-11-01T00:00:00.001-05:00

....Ducks of a feather TWIRL together....

Linking up with Leigh from Leigh vs Laundry and the 52 Weeks of Happiness Project

"Dancing is like dreaming with your feet." ~Constanze

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did,

but backwards and in high heels". ~Faith Whittlesey

Lil Duck and I have, for some time now, been attending a Mom & Me dance class on Saturday mornings. For months my little ballerina flitted around the house pointing and twirling and plie'ing between episodes of Angelina Ballerina all while insisting that was to be her some day.

"To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak". ~Hopi Indian Saying

SOME DAY arrived and I found a class we could attend together. She bounces from bed each morning hours before class, dresses in her 'ballerina dress' and practices.
Her smile never falters from the moment we load the car until class has ended.

"There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them." ~Vicki Baum

I'm quite sure I look forward to it just as much as she does.
Her enthusiasm is the music to my heart;
her high wattage smile and the twinkle of her eyes the dance of my heart.

"In a dancer, there is a reverence for such forgotten things

as the miracle of the small beautiful bones and their delicate strength." ~Martha Graham

I don't even mind that she usually ditches me for a spot at the front of the room, right next to the teacher and naturally dead center to the wall of mirrors. *chuckle* She IS her mother's child.

On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;

No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet

To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.

~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

**extra special thanks to Irishman for taking the great pics of Lil Duck and me. She sure loves having an audience watching at the windows!

A Family of Looney

2011-10-31T00:00:00.000-05:00

All month long we've celebrated Friendships! Awesome stories, photos, blogs, tweets, prizes and PEOPLE! Closing out the month I have one final guest post from one of my fav BLOG-tographers, Rochelle from A Family of Looney. I love her photos, her always positive kind comments and did I mention her photos? Her Macro moments and her black and white days and you'll always find a fabulous quote on her sidebar. Her perspective on life - through the lens - is awe inspiring, breath taking and heartwarming. Take a moment pop over and see what journey her camera takes you on today.
______________________________________________________________________________-

As many of you know Daffy is one of a kind. Seriously, you can't help but love her. When she asked me to write a guest post at first I was like "This would be so cool" then the other part of me was like "Crap what do I say".

I am sure most of you don't want to hear about my woes of potty training twin boys or my girl saying dammit when playing UNO. I was breaking out in cold sweat trying to figure out what to write.

I mean I could write about how much I appreciate Daffy and her friendship or I could write about how awesome she is. But really you guys know how awsome she is so.....

When one of her loveable Boogerlickers is in her face calling her an apple or some other hated name, I thought she could envisions herself here...

I figured it was better than sitting in a bathroom stall. Thanks Daffy for being who you are. You always bring sunshine and laughs to my day.
______________________________________________________________________________________-
Thank YOU! And yes yes YES!! A tub of bubbles is WAY more preferable than a stinky bathroom stall hideaway!!!

From my Princess Clad Pond to yours, have an awesomely Spooktackular Halloween my fellow Quackers!

RTT - Oh Look! A Squirrel

2011-10-25T13:15:00.003-05:00

Evidently its Random Tuesday Thoughts and I'm linking up with Big Momma Cass at Casa di Cass today. I can do random. Just ask the people I text or anyone who follows me on facebook. I'm sorta the DuckQueen of randomness. People usually walk away from me feeling confused and disoriented and wondering if they need medication....or if I do.

I like it that way.

Grab your undies....here we go....

-The wind is blowing really really hard today and I wonder if that makes it really really hard to vector airplanes.

-I have a headache bigger than all of Canada, my eyeballs might pop out and I'm constantly fighting the battle of wanting to puke on Boogerlickers. I think its only fair after all they do to me, ya know?!

-I wanted BBQ for lunch today. Instead I ate celery.

-I'm doing this on a totally unscheduled break but I deserve it. The unscheduled break i mean. I did, afterall, eat lunch in my car whilst making the 5 mile drive between buildings. THAT was my only break today and suppose to also serve as my duty free lunch. SUCK IT EMPLOYER

-My right foot is asleep and tingly and my left hand is numb.

-There is a lady in my Zumba class that stinks. Really badly. No seriously, its gross. I thought about Fabreezing her last night.

-I am STILL laughing over having to holler "NO CHIP CLIPPING THE NADS" and its been weeks now.

I could really go on forever...seriously. I suppose I should get back to the Boogerlickers. They aren't just going to magically learn to hear no matter how hard they bang heads together. *sigh* Trust me....we tried it in Science one day. (<----thats sarcastic humor incase you were born without a funny bone).

FYL - Suzy Q - Its A Booger County Life

2011-10-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

Suzy Q is just about as real as you can get; with a blog name of It's A Booger County Life how can you not be?! She's the fully integrated 'country girl' with the job in the "city" who gets to come home to acres and acres of God's beauty (<--might be a wee envious. Does it show?) Seriously. You should see the pictures of the basket of beauty in which she lives. Aside from that, her three boys (4 if you count the husband) will have you shaking your head, gasping in awe and whooping with laughter at their antics and mishaps. Boys...only boys! From painting with toilet water to a jar full of all the special token objects Mr. Riley has pooped out (she's saving that for his girlfriend), you can't help but connect with her, love her, want to crack open a Mountain Dew (be sure to have PLENTY OF ICE on hand) with her and share stories. Or just sit back and listen to hers. She has HOURS of them....best part? You'll within a few minutes feel as though you've known her forever. She's as awesome as a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie.
For the 4th week of the Friends You Love blog hop, I give you Suzy Q from Its A Booger County Life.
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TRUE FRIENDS WILL!

Ever since Ducky sent me the invite I’ve been tryn to think of what I should write about. Should it be one of my crazy daily life stories (Cuz I gotta-lotta that stuff!) OR, more of a “who am I?”

I really have just begun blogging so you haven’t missed much if you want to start following my blog. Having said that…I think since this is part of the Friends You Love Month I will dedicate this one to my best friend and let you learn about me as you go if you start following my blog. Fair enough?...like you have a choice :)

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….tell you- “it’s okay, don’t cry, you can stay by me all day and we’ll be BEST FRIENDS!...on the 1^st day of Kindergarten. 34 years later we still are!

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….talk you up to that cute guy you really like!, and if he says not interested she tells him what he missing and tells you that he “turned out to be a real jerk!”

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….talk you up to that cute guy you really like and if he says he IS interested she explains all the ways she will perform BODILY HARM upon him should he ever so much as make you cry!!

TRUE FRIENDS WILL…. say yes to being constantly set up with COMPLETE opposites, just to be able to double-date with you….Even after one overly-rambunctious young man wrestles her to the ground for a kiss and she unwillingly finds out he wears fish-net bikini underwear!!! Almost a deal breaker!...but not for TRUE FRIENDS!

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….get Strep-Throat with you while her parents are out of town just so you can suffer together, even though you spend the entire time trying not to look at each other because you KNOW you’ll laugh and laughing causes EXCRUTIATING PAIN!!!!!!!!

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….stay with you in every class on the first day of high school EVEN IF she’s perty sure she broke her foot that morning- tripping UP the stairs in the gym…that is…until you finally have a class you’re both NOT signed up for and she uses her free time to escape to the school nurse then catches up to you next class sport’n CRUTCHES!!!....WOW! Your foot really IS broke!....I TOLD YOU!!!!!!!

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….be your Maid-of-Honor…and you will be hers!

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….drive 4 hours to see her best friend after they have discovered their baby has Leukemia.. True friends will also be there at 2 in the morning when she calls to tell you that he’s gone after only being here for a month and a half…and listen for as long as she needs you to…..

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….be there to cry with her when she tells you they just discovered she has MS.

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….find out on the way to the hospital for her very serious surgery that your Dad has just passed away and now cannot come to your side, but when she wakes up, her husband by her side, her first words are to ask about you…

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….get together and tell “old” stories on each other and laugh for hours.

TRUE FRIENDS WILL….call you up after going months-or years in some cases-without seeing you and it’s like you haven’t missed a day!

I have many friends despite the tragedies that befall my everyday life, and I guess that’s a good thing cuz ya know those are the REAL friends- that, or they need your personal follies to maintain that their life IS actually normal…..hmmm…Oh well, they are true friends and I love ‘em!

I am so very thankful for ALL my TRUE FRIENDS- old or new. My life is better for just knowing them!

Godiva Coffee - Review/Giveaway

2011-10-22T17:53:00.002-05:00

I doubt its just happenstance that both God and Diva are found in this company’s name.

Popularly known for its delectable chocolates, Godiva Chocolatier also makes coffee!

**CATCH ME! I’M SWOONING!**

Generously agreeing to join our fabulous month long celebration of woman and friendship, because how could you NOT include JAVA and CHOCOLATE, Godiva has provided the Friends You Love group with products for review and to GIVEAWAY!

Warming up on a fall morning with Pumpkin Spice coffee or snuggling down after a long day into the folds of my favorite fleece throw with a cup of Caramel Pecan Bark is just heavenly. Smooth, perfectly balanced and heart warmingly delicious, either choice is just perfect! Really though, would you expect anything less from Godiva?

My personal pick is the Pumpkin Spice with a splash of coffeemate Natural Bliss vanilla creamer. I love anything pumpkin and Godiva has done a yummerific job with this one! Just the perfect amount of flavor and its sooooo smooth! Pot after pot after pot (notice I didn't say cup? Yes, this Duck gets her java groove on!)

*sigh*

My bag is almost gone. Never fear! I have found coupons, and you can too, to use at your local grocer to get your very own cup of this special seasonal treat! Follow this link for $2 off your Godiva Coffee purchase. (http://ebm.cheetahmail.com/r/regf2?a=0&aid=2078496244&n=1)

Also enter to win a bag of Pumpkin Spice and a bag of Caramel Pecan Bark below! Which will be your favorite???

TO WIN: Leave a comment sharing with whom you would most like to sit down with to share a cup.

Extra Entries: choose one or all or none. Totally up to you. Must do the first one listed above before grabbing these. Leave a separate comment for each of these.

Subscribed via email to Batcrap Crazy - +2

Grab my new awesome button +2

Follow me on TWITTER +2

BCC Follower via GFC over thar under Quackers +2

Tweet the giveaway once a day for an extra entry each day

(sample tweet)

#WIN Godiva Coffee and make new friends! ends 10/29
@batcrapcrazy #FYL http://tiny.cc/eoimt

*Entries accepted until 11:59pm CST 10/29/11. The winner will be drawn using random.org and is open to US Residents at least 18 years of age.

**be sure to leave your email with at least one entry comment if it is not enabled on your profile for notification purposes. If I am unable to notify the winner, a new winner will be randomly drawn**

***I was provided product for the purpose of the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**

Confessional Is Open....

2011-10-21T12:38:00.002-05:00

Confessional Friday

Linking up with Mamarazzi! What better way to end the week and start the weekend by judging someone’s confessions and outclicking with a feeling of superiority….afterall…you haven’t confessions ANYTHING like mine. *wink*

I confess…

I Confess...
I'm addicted to celery.
I ran out and was jones for it. Made a special trip to the store...Just. For. Celery

I Confess...
I really, REALLY wish I could fart on command. Thing 1 and Thing 2 would SO be going down! Although I did manage to pull of an impressive sneak attack on Thing 2 the other night. I ROCK! AND I was actually heartwarmed when he sat on me and reciprocated...yes...we're bonding and I loved it!

I Confess...
I woulda snatched a body bald iffin I could .... While playing with Lil Duck earlier in the week, I suggested we stop and run to the store to gather the makings for my Halloween costume. She whirled on me, hand in the air palm out, voice dropping an octive, "NO!", She yelled at me, "We DON'T have the money!". Ummm....EXCUSE ME?! WTH?! YOU dear Princess are 3! How in the hell do you know how much money I do or do not have? Not ever having uttered these words myself, I asked from whom she has heard this. Without missing a beat she answered the question and returned to her mermaids.
Briefly and simply I explained that in MY house she is only to be concered about KID things and the balance of my checkbook is a MOMMY thing....NOT a kid thing. Then we headed off to the store.

I Confess...
two hours later when Lil Duck yelled, "YOU RUINED MY LIFE! MY FATHER RUINED MY LIFE", it took me 2 full deep breaths and 3 shots of steam to realize she was quoting the Little Mermaid 2. She sure loves her Princesses. I'm thinking someone needs to find this girl an agent.

I Confess...
I found ~~three~~ ONE grey hair. Its my first. *batts eyelashes*

I Confess...
...that last confession was a lie.

I Confess...
I was thinking of putting new boobs on my Christmas list again this year but someone said they thought Santa might be gay....so....I'm rethinking my list. Could explain why I didn't get them. Or I just wasn't naughty enough....

I Confess...
I already have Irishman's 40th birthday planned and booked. BUT I'm terrible at keeping secrets when I'm excited about something. I sorta kinda maybe spilled the beans. Ooops

I Confess...

My heart hurts today...I miss my sister a lot. It doesn't really get any easier with time and every time something new is discovered as the case progresses it rips the healing open again. Raw doesn't even being to describe it.

Madame Duck At Your Service

2011-10-18T06:20:00.000-05:00

I read them from time to time; not because I expect them to be some great predictor of my day or my life. I don’t light candles, drink chicken blood or look to them for guidance in how to proceed with my voodoo dolls, all that gets done regardless of how they read.

Sometimes horoscopes make me laugh at the absurdity and often times I’m rolling my eyes to migraine proportions. They are all flowery and nice when really straight and to the point will do. I could do a better job of writing them…

google images

The SCOPE: How you handle the same issue in the morning as opposed to the afternoon could be substantially different.

REDO SCOPE: Drunk vs Sober...pre happy hour vs post is gonna make a huge difference DUNCE. Remember that when tackling that "issue".

The SCOPE: How you manifest your frustration and anger seem to change.

REDO SCOPE: Some days you'll feel like kicking... some days you'll feel the kick back.... of your glock. Channel that frustration and anger baby.

The SCOPE: Here they are, the 2 days you've been looking forward to, whether you knew it or not. Its time for romance and intimacy and lots of it.

REDO SCOPE: Wrap it, sack it and keep poppin those pills. The next 48 hours are what you've waited for for the last 363 days.

The SCOPE: You make an impression wherever you go. Teamwork brings success.
REDO SCOPE: Damn! With a face like that, a pimp is a wise investment

FYL - Meet Sonya, The Belly Charmer

2011-10-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

The 3rd week of the Friends You Love BlogHop and I am very honored to be sharing space with Sonya from Belly Charms! I 'met' Sonya a little over a year ago when I found myself curled up in the waiting room of the Nuroscience ER for hours on end awaiting news on my sister. I was posting updates and Sonya actually found me through those. After my sister died, Sonya turned her talents, love and focus into a beautiful bracelet honoring my sister's life, memory and gift of life (she was an organ donor). PLEASE PLEASE check out Sonya's beautiful work! I may be biased a wee bit but I can honestly tell you that she provides beautiful quality craftsmanship, amazing customer service and makes EVERY customer a friend! Thank You Sonya!

Twitter: @Bellycharms
Blog: www.bellycharmsblog.com
Website: www.bellycharms.com

Daffy and I have a special bond that only we can truly understand. And in all honesty I hope I never share it with anyone else. It is a sister thing for us, but I am very glad our paths crossed online when they did. It is kind of like one of those friends you talk to only a few times a year, yet never feel like you missed a beat.

Well I have a perfect little story to share but mine also involves me, as mom, wanting to kick a 1st grader's ass. Yes I am also my son's Kindergarten class mom, so I am pretty sure this behavior would get me kicked off of the approved volunteer list.

My boys are 4 and 5. My 4 year old can go from loving to mean as a snake in a split second. My Kindergartener is always an angel. He has a kind loving heart and is more likely to cry that act out if somebody pushes him the wrong way. On my blog I refer to him as Big A.

Big A goes to big boy school now. It is K-8.....which scared the crap out of me. Our whole neighborhood goes there, it is one of the top schools in the state and that is actually why we relocated to our neighborhood. He even rides the bus, which I was totally against because I am a somewhat overprotective mom.

Well last week he discovered a cool game at school where he could get pencils and rocketship erasers for "One Money". It is actually a vending machine with school supplies in it, but to him if you put money in and something comes out...it is a game. He took money out of his piggy bank and for about 3 days in a row proudly came home with a new pencil.

Sunday night my husband gave him "4 monies" for the machine. I told him not to take his money out of his backpack except to buy something. Well Monday afternoon he comes home from school, runs in daddy's office and shows him his new pencil. ( I was not there at the time, I was with my 4 year old) He then told his daddy with a sad face that, " He met another kid and he said he would be his friend if he gave him some monies, but that when he gave the boy the monies that he took them and left.....he was not his friend."

WTH - some punk kid just promised my precious little son that he would be his friend and then stole his 50 cents!!!! Big A was very bothered by it and that was all of the info he gave to his dad. I was furious!! I told daddy to not mention it again and that I would press for information later."

So at bedtime I mentioned it to him in my most loving mommy voice, I told him that he did nothing wrong and that the boy was a not nice kid to take his money. I wanted to know where it happened. How big was this kid??? I did manage to find out that he was almost to his classroom when he met this kid. He again looked sad. I tried to lighten the subject by telling him that maybe the ~~punk~~ kid just really needed a pencil and had to run and buy it before school started.

He seemed to like this answer but I still had a vision of my Big A standing there, handing this boy his money with the promise of a new friend, and the the boy leaving and taking his money while he just stood there with little tears in his eyes. He just wanted a new friend. Did I mention I would love to punch this kid in the nose who hurt my baby's feelings. He LOVES school and I don't want this to change.

So I told him that he never has to give anyone money to get a friend. He has lots and lots of friends because he is a nice a funny boy. "YOU BUY TOYS. YOU DON'T BUY FRIENDS WITH YOUR MONEY." We also have a new rule. He does not take money to school anymore, but on Tuesday and Thursday he stays at school for Karate and PlayBall. We pick him up and he does not ride the bus. So on those days we will always have a quarter on us so we can go play the game and get a prize.

Since I am his Kindergarten Class Mom, I immediately emailed his teacher. The kids are really separated by age, so this kid was actually a bully, mean ass first grader. She said she would let the first grade teachers know so they could be on the look out. I am sure my Big A was not the only victim.

So moral of the story is YOU DON'T BUY YOUR FRIENDS, AND IF YOU HURT MY LITTLE BOYS FEELINGS......well I better leave it at that. Mean people suck!! Have a fabulous day and keep your monies in your pocket:)

Who could be mean to him? Just look at that smile. He is holding the class friend. He was student of the week:)

Say Cheese, Win Prizes!

2011-10-13T00:00:00.003-05:00

"So often as life passes us by, we look to the pictures of our past. The memories that we have created with the ones we love captured by the single click of a camera. Regardless of the time that has spanned since the photo was taken, we can be immediately transported back to that day, that time."

~Kristin, Only Parent Chronicles

Ducky and Her Besties of a Lifetime

A picture is worth a thousand words.

~Napoleon Bonaparte

Enter this week - October 9 - 15 - the Friends You Love Besties Photo contest, sponsored by our friends at Bare Escentuals.

Submit your favorite photo of you and your besties for a chance to win a Bare Escentuals gift pack!

To enter:

Contestants can submit a a photo of themselves with their best friend to

kristin at onlyparentchronicles dot com

Submissions will be accepted 10/9 - 10/15.

Voting will occur 10/16 - 10/20 at Friends You Love

Bare Escentuals has put together a fantastic prize pack for the winner!

Lil Duck Quacks the Pond

2011-10-12T00:00:00.001-05:00

Being the mom of a funny kid rocks! And being a blogging mom of a funny kid means I have a place (other than facebook) to share all the hysterical things she says. They ARE funny...because I said they are. Lucky you. Today is the day I decided to gather them into a post. I give you a short persons funnyisms..

Lil Duck: "Mom... I AM the Princess!"
Me: "If you're the princess what does that make me?"
Lil Duck: "um....THE Queen!" ......I love this kid!
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Lil Duck: "MOM! PUT ON YOUR PANTS NOW!!!! I can see your pullup!
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Lil Duck: "Mooooooooom! I WANT BALLS AND RETARDS!"
Me: ....when I could breathe again...."You, uh...want what?"
Lil Duck: "Those chocolate candy balls you were eating and retards. Pllllleeeeaaase"
Me: "These? *holding up a box of Whoppers* and ...uh...Sweet Tarts?"
Lil Duck: "YES"
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Lil Duck after Irishman cooked us dinner: "I have fire buttocks. Thanks for dinner, Irishman"
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I usually have to wake Lil Duck up in the mornings because our day starts so early. I like singing to her sometimes to acomplish this. One of the songs she frequently asks me to sing to her is You Are My Sunshine. One recent morning I chose that song to sing while rubbing her arm to wake her. It played out like this:

Me: "....you are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine..."
Her: "NOT. ANY. MORE" ....and she pulled the covers over her head.

The little turd! Of course we both dissolved into giggles and it was a great way to start the day. I love being a mom!

Stress Kills - The Old Lady In Me

2011-10-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

google images

Fluffing hair, tucking it back, fluffing hair again, “I look like an old lady!” she huffed.

“Stress has really aged me”, she sighed as she closed the visor mirror in my car and ever so gently shoved the bitch back into place.

“You’re telling me, mom! Stress has aged us all!”, I grinned a little crookedly.

“You especially! With all you’ve been through in the last 18 months……”

I started to agree, then it dawned on me…. “Mom? Did you just tell me I look O L D?”

*gasp* *hand to chest* “That’s NOT what I meant!” She ended the exclamation on a chortle-snort.

Sigh….but it has. I know it. I see it reflected. I feel it every morning when I wake up but at least we got a HUGE chuckle out of it and now I have some shit to rib my mom with! *SCORE*

So is the change reversible? How do I combat it without selling my ass to afford all the latest in plastic and cosmetic surgery (we can’t ALL be Demi Moore)?

I hear sex keeps you young. The endorphins released slow the aging process not to mention being on your back helps prevent wrinkles in your face (HONEST! Google it!). Tell me THAT isn’t the most divine way to kill 2 birds with one stone?! #WINNING You’re welcome.

Laughter. Laughter is also another stress combatant/aging combatant. If I could laugh for 5 minutes for every 1 minute I felt stressed, well, I'd be in a freaking straight jacket strapped to a table. (BUT I'd be on my BACK. #WINNING).

I also get in touch with my inner child. Which is totally different than touching children - THAT is illegal, ~~PSYCHO PERV~~. I thoroughly enjoy my time with Lil Duck. Being a Mom is awesome!

What are some of the ways you destress?

How do you drown it out?

What keeps you young?

FYL Guest Post - Meet Becca

2011-10-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

Ushering in the second week of the Friends You Love project is Becca from Everyday Life! I love the variety Becca brings to her blog with her poetry (which is what drew me in initially and keeps me around) not to mention her reviews and giveaways. AND she awesomely shares with anyone how to find and secure product reviews if that's something in which you're interested. I love finding bloggers who actually follow through on helping each other out and share resources. Talking often about her son, sharing the creativity that courses through her heart and mind as well as bringing product reviews to her readers, her blog really DOES encompass Everyday Life. Thanks A Million Becca for sharing in this awesome month of Friendship!
YOU Rock!

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I have to say when Daffy asked me to guest blog I was thrilled and honored. It took me all of about a nano second to say yes because well she rocks. Then I thought what can I write about when a light bulb went on and trust me, That doesn't happen often. I mean seriously, I'm a blond. Anyways I had been working on a poem that I wasn't sure what to do with when POW my answer was guest post. So here goes for your reading pleasure a poem I wrote that is dedicated to all the amazing wonderful people I've met online and in the blog world. You know you all mean the world to me.

I never thought it could happen
I never thought it could be
but with a single key stroke
I found a friend to me
I've never seen your face
and you're voice I've never heard
but your the one I tell me secrets to
the one my deepest hurt.
with you I can be myself
I can say how I feel
and know that you will
listen and never be untrue
people may laugh and say it's
not real that you
can't find true friendship
in a world so filled with lies
but yet I feel connected
that a me is finally a we
so to you my online friend
though we may never meet
you are to me
what : is to )
what x is to o
What < is to 3
you are my other half

Simply Charmed - Review/Giveaway

2011-10-09T16:31:00.001-05:00

Summer Fun isn't over yet...or doesn't have to be even though 40 degree weather makes it a bit cold for bikinis!

I don't know why, but these adorable wine charms make me think of Sandra Dee from Grease. Grab your best girls, the Simply Charmed Magnetic Wine Charms and some wine! Pop Grease in the player and end the night with a pajama clad pillow fight and writing letters to your pen pals ~~in prison the army~~ far away. Or just gab, drink wine and gab some more.

Handcrafted and amazingly tough, the magnetic wine charms stick securely to your wine glass (no stem fumbling), mug or jug (depending on your stress level). No worries about keeping track of which lipstick stain is yours; You've Been Charmed! A perfect gift for yourself, your hostess for those upcoming holiday parties or your bestie. You'll find lots of themes to choose from. I'm all about unique gifts and I love these! Not to mention I can stick them up on the side of my fridge and the magnets will hold until I need them.

No losing them in drawers.
No forgetting which drawer I stashed them in!
No risk of Lil Duck feeding them to the dog!

Simply Charmed is one of our awesome Friends You Love sponsors and providing a reader with their own set of charms to help us celebrate Friendships this month!

To Win These (mandatory entry): Visit Simply Charmed and leave a comment telling me which collection is your favorite.

Extra Entries: choose one or all of them. Just be sure to leave a separate entry for each one.

Like Simply Charmed on FACEBOOK

Follow Simply Charmed on TWITTER

Grab my new button for your blog

Be a BCC GFC follower

Follow me on TWITTER

Subscribe (and confirm) to my blog via email

Tweet the giveaway once per day for an extra entry each day. Leave a comment with the tweet profile.

#WIN Magnetic Wine Charms from @wineswithcharms ends 10/16
@batcrapcrazy #FYL http://tiny.cc/6kusl

*Entries accepted until 11:59pm CST 10/16/11. The winner will be drawn using random.org and is open to US Residents at least 18 years of age.

**be sure to leave your email with at least one entry comment if it is not enabled on your profile for notification purposes. If I am unable to notify the winner, a new winner will be randomly drawn**

***I was provided product for the purpose of the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**

Confession - Go On, Feel Superior

2011-10-07T00:00:00.001-05:00

Confessional Friday

Linking up with Mamarazzi and going the TMI route! What better way to end the week and start the weekend by judging someone’s confessions and outclicking with a feeling of superiority….afterall…you haven’t confessions ANYTHING like mine. *wink*

I confess…

I Confess….
I have a thing for paper/notebooks/journals. Cute, pretty, unique, chic….I see, I buy. (I’m starting off lame just to lure you in…they get better, I promise).

I Confess…
I’m really grateful Irishman has a chiropractic degree even though he decided to be a Controller. He’s constantly fixing my ridunkulous upper back and neck issues from the job. God Bless the Man’s Hands! (and his other amazing body parts *grin*)

I Confess…
No one ever told me nipple hairs were part of aging! PLUCK THAT NOISE! *gag*

I Confess…
I like doing laundry. I like the order of folding and matching and pressing out wrinkles. And I love the smell of the laundry soap. <-- OCD?

I Confess…
I do not have what it takes anymore to work Special SPECIAL education at the elementary level. I’m NOT okay with excessive body fluids regardless of their color. I’m NOT okay with violence failing to be addressed by administration. I’m NOT okay with a child routinely exposing himself to the staff and other children in the room and the administration/parents not seemingly overly concerned.

I Confess…
I cannot afford COBRA insurance BUT I am willing to sell ALL my possessions to make it happen. I have jewelry, a wedding dress, furniture and blood I can sell. I’m Serious. Email me. I also have a kidney I’ll part with. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING.

I Confess…
I am supremely relieved I had a last minute “oops I gotta pee” moment when last making out with Irishman (yes we do that, you should to…err…not with him…but…eh…you know what I mean) because I found an errant piece of toilet paper that got stuck in my quack. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN? Seriously?! I would NEVER have lived that down. Like NEVER! He STILL talks about me kicking him in the side of the head *eyeroll* Some people are SO sensitive.